spirituality – Page 7 – Victoria McGee, M.A.

The F word that matters – Forgiveness

August 19, 2015November 5, 2019 by Victoria McGee, posted in A Course in Miracles, healing, spirituality

“Forgiveness… undoes what fear has produced, returning the mind to the awareness of God.” A Course in Miracles

How can I forgive? How can you? How do we ~ as spiritual beings having a human experience ~ see past the chaos and horror in this world? How do we begin to forgive the darkness, and have hope again?

Forgiveness is as necessary and intrinsic to healing from trauma as physical therapy is to healing an injury. It needs to be done daily, and in a manner that doesn’t hurt you, but stretches you. Forgiveness also doesn’t need to be rushed. When it is time, you feel it. And when you forgive, you will feel lighter.

Forgiveness is the skeleton key that unlocks the shackles of fear and rage we carry.

I have forgiven the person who raped me. I didn’t do it soon after, and I didn’t do it all at once. And I never forgave him to his face. That wasn’t necessary. He didn’t need my forgiveness. I needed to forgive him in order to move on with my life.

I went to a counselor soon after I was attacked, and she led me on a beautiful journey in my mind to a safe place, where I could confront my attacker and then offer forgiveness. This was horribly misguided as it had only been a few days since it happened. I was still in a state of shock, disbelief and confusion. It did nothing to help me feel better and start healing because it was too soon. I had to back up about a month later, dredge it all up again, and let the rage happen.

Then I could start healing and forgive.

Whatever trauma you’ve been through, understand that if you’ve been victimized in any way, you will have gurgling pots of rage to slog through. If you don’t spend some time there, it will show up on your doorstep wearing a very ugly mask when you least expect it. Don’t get stuck in the anger, but allow yourself to feel it fully so you can get past it.

Forgiveness is a process, as is all of healing. Do as much as you can, when you can. And know that is all you need to do. Forgiving isn’t easy. It takes courage and faith of a rare kind. And when you’re ready, Spirit will surround you, lift you up, and imbue you with everything you need.

Nothing is as inspiring to me as stories of great forgiveness. The woman who forgave the young man who murdered her son, and is now his advocate and mentor. The young woman who forgave her father for molesting her, seeing him for who he was and knowing that not forgiving would keep them both in chains. The people of the Emanuel African Methodist Church in Charleston who spoke out about forgiving the shooter at their church so “hate won’t win.” Concentration camp survivor Eva Kor, who calls herself a “radical human being” has met with and forgiven former Nazis from Auschwitz. She stated, “It is an act of self-healing, self-liberation and self-empowerment.” Amen sister.

So how do we get to forgiveness? Not by yourself. Ask God for help. And ask again. And when you think you’re done, ask again. You’ll know when the wound is completely healed. And your immense bravery will astonish those who know you!

One of my favorite quotes is by Mark Twain. He said, “Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” This thought is so profound to me. Yes, we have been crushed, but in offering forgiveness, our essence remains and rises above – beautiful and victorious.

“…all forgiveness is a gift to yourself.” ~A Course in Miracles

Victoria McGee

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All Together Now – Why Me?

August 8, 2015 by Victoria McGee, posted in A Course in Miracles, healing, spirituality

Anyone who has experienced a trauma, suffered injury, or been a victim of attack has asked the question; “Why me?”

As we struggle in the aftermath to make sense of what has happened, we find ourselves questioning everything. Why did this happen to me? Why now? And the big one: Why did God allow this to happen?

Now this gets into some heavy-duty spiritual semantics. If you’ve read my blog before, you know I use the word God to mean what I perceive as the energy of Love in the universe. You can call it the Divine, Yahweh, Buddha, whatever works for you.

A Course in Miracles states that which is not of Love is not of God. This makes sense to me. It lets God off the hook in “allowing” horrible things to happen. At some point, we have to accept the fact that sometimes horrible things simply happen. And we need to fill our hearts with the knowledge that God was right there with you.

And perhaps God is just as shocked and dismayed as we are.

It boils down to this question. Can we accept that there is randomness in the universe?

In his wonderful book, When Bad Things Happen to Good People, Rabbi Harold Kushner comments on this randomness and chaos we are subjected to.

“…In that case, we will simply have to learn to live with it, sustained and comforted by the knowledge that the earthquake and the accident, like the murder and robbery, are not the will of God, but represent that aspect of reality which stands independent of His will, and which angers and saddens God even as it angers and saddens us.”

So there is randomness that occurs outside the will of God? That is one of the most comforting thoughts I’ve come across.

I became a student of A Course in Miracles soon after I was raped. I struggled with these questions daily. As I quoted from this book in my last blog, “There is no time, no place, no state where God is absent. There is nothing to be feared.” I knew somehow there was truth to this, but I was constantly afraid. And I felt I knew places where God was not.

But I also knew I had called on God immediately to be with me, to sustain me, and if I was not to survive this, to comfort those left behind. And I felt the Love of God in that moment, and in the months and years to follow.

So what is God’s will? I used to think everything was pre-ordained and the things that happen to us are all God’s will. Not any more.

I do think we are spiritual beings having a human experience. I’ve come to think of God’s will as a poker game. In life we are dealt certain hands. Sometimes it’s God’s will, sometimes it isn’t. How we play our hand is what counts.

Do we fold (pack it in, give up)?

Do we stand (stuck in the bitterness of what happened)?

Do we draw (on the compassion of God and those around us) and see what the next hand will hold?

Your healing path may involve folding or standing at times. But if you don’t eventually draw, you can’t open to the possibilities of joy in the future.

Why me?

Why not me?

Why anyone?

We don’t know, but let’s hold hands, keep our face turned toward the Divine, and get through it together.

“Love, which created me, is what I am.”

-A Course in Miracles

Victoria McGee

August 8, 2015

The F Word – Fear

July 30, 2015July 29, 2015 by Victoria McGee, posted in healing, spirituality

“When you are afraid, be still and know that God is real, and you are His beloved Son, in whom He is well pleased.” – A Course in Miracles

Let’s talk about FEAR. The F word that keeps on giving. For trauma survivors, fear becomes a shadow that follows you around all the time. You now know that bad things do happen to good people, that the boogeyman can be real, that your life can change in an instant, or that someone you know is not who you thought they were. You lose trust in your fellow man, and you lose trust in your own instincts and intuition. You sometimes lose faith and trust in God.

Fear can manifest and immobilize you in many ways. Most often it manifests as nightmares and sleepless nights. And if you tell your doctor about it, they’re more than happy to give you a “sleep aid.” There are situations where that might be appropriate, especially since trauma counselors tell us to get back to our routine as soon as we can, and it’s hard to show up for work on two hours of sleep. But I remember hating to take anything that would make me sleepy. I felt I had to be awake and alert, in case someone tried to break in again. But after weeks of sleep loss, regaining a feeling of safety became a priority, and an urgent necessity.

It’s important to always, always remember, that although you didn’t have a choice in what happened to you, you do have a choice in how you recover.

Here again, anger was my friend. I finally got so angry at the attacker and this event that was robbing me of my life, that I decided to stop giving it so much power.

Fear can break you if you give it power. The Divine can take away the fear if you give it over.

Handling the fear, overcoming it, and moving on with your life will be one of the most courageous things you will ever do. And every time you take a step forward, the angels celebrate!

It can be so difficult. Triggers are everywhere: sights, smells, places, news reports, noises, just… people. When you’re triggered, or your thoughts wander to your trauma and you feel the anxiety bubbling up, try these things:

Take a breath, and look around you. Make sure both feet are on the floor and take a minute to ground yourself. Notice that you are safe in this moment.
Ask God to be with you. Whatever that means to you. Some people imagine Jesus standing beside them. For others, it’s a Divine infusion you feel in your body. Call on your angels. You will feel calmer instantly.
Express gratitude. Take a moment to be thankful that you are safe, that you have survived, and recognize that you are never alone.

As a survivor, my path of healing has been a long, circuitous path. I have gathered many gifts along the way, one of which was strengthening my relationship with God to lessen my fears and get to forgiveness. For me, the spiritual part of this journey was most important and through it I made the greatest leaps in healing.

You will have bad days, but you will also have good days. You will have days of rage and days of joy. You will have days of hatred and days of forgiveness. And as time passes, the good days will outweigh the bad. Turning to God, in whatever form you believe, will be like a soothing balm on your burning thoughts. It will breathe fresh oxygen into you when you feel you are suffocating on something stagnant. God will heal you.

This verse from A Course in Miracles was probably one of the most helpful mantras for me as I healed.

“There is no time, no place, no state where God is absent. There is nothing to be feared.”

May the Divine hold you in loving arms that are infinite and eternal.

What do you do with your fear? Leave a comment.

Victoria McGee

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