Category: A Course in Miracles

Staying Grounded on Shifting Sands

by Victoria McGee, posted in A Course in Miracles, grounding, healing, meditation, Mindfulness, PTSD, self-care, trauma, yoga
Image by Pezibear from Pixabay

“There are times we have to step into the darkness in faith, confident that God will place solid ground beneath our feet once we do.” – Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Here we are, having survived 2020 (some of us), feeling like we can no longer trust the very ground beneath our feet. We have been faced with a collective trauma, this pandemic, like a low-grade fever we carry around, trying to still do our work and show up for our families and ourselves. But some days we don’t succeed. Some days the shifting sands threaten to swallow us up and we cannot find solid ground.

I’ve thought about this so much lately as friends and family (and I) have navigated so much loss – some large, some small, over the past year. I’m sure most of us feel we have been challenged this year in ways we never thought we’d face in our lifetime. Sara Bareilles put out a song last year called “Orpheus” that seemed to be prescient to this year. Here are some of the lyrics:

“You miss the world
The one you knew
The one where everything made sense
Because you didn’t know the truth
That’s how it works
Till the bottom drops out
And you learn
We’re all just hunters seeking solid ground”

That last line got me. Yes, that’s exactly what we are – hunters seeking solid ground. Solid ground is what we rely on, what we depend on to let us know we are supported and will be okay. How is your ground feeling today?

In yoga and meditation, grounding is an essential part of the practice. Really planting your feet or body firmly on the ground supports us in our practice and transfers into our daily life. One yoga teacher I had called on us to “wick up” energy and support from the earth, like the wick in an oil lamp. Pull the energy up and into ourselves. It’s a beautiful image and a reminder that so much is available to us in terms of support, from above and below.

“To ground is to pour your energies back into the earth and feel the warm calm of nature entering your body in exchange.” – Clint Ober

Practice in grounding really serves us when the ground is ripped out from under our feet by life events. When the sands around us are shifting, being able to return to a place within of steadfastness and trust, we can begin to catch our balance, plant ourselves more firmly and face what is in front of us. No one does this perfectly, few of us remember to ground first, then deal. And that is all okay. Sometimes the grounding after a crisis is equally important, for healing and recovery.

The song “Orpheus” mentions the ground again in a later verse; “If the bottom drops out I hope my love was someone else’s solid ground.” This is also a tremendous thought because yes, hopefully, we have people in our lives whose love is our solid ground. We don’t always have to find it ourselves, and we are often “someone else’s solid ground.” In recent years, and especially this year, I have often been solid ground to others, and I’ve come to know its gifts and its troubles.

My first instinct is always to “be there” for someone I care about who is hurting. Of course, it’s what caring adults do for each other. There is no better feeling than truly being present and holding space for a dear loved one or friend. Even when it’s hard, you know it’s part of the richness that is this life. So, you show up and you care and you pray and you support.

But, when your first instinct is to “be there” for someone, you can often give too much of yourself away. The last time I listened to this song, I realized (again!) it isn’t always appropriate to be solid ground for someone else, or for too many people at one time. We can easily spread ourselves too thin and not show up for people with our whole being.  The age-old adage that you really do have to take of yourself first, before you can truly take care of others, is an important truth. But this year, we are in crisis, and we forget, and that’s okay. We move forward, simply practicing self-care as often as we can, and with a pure and tender love for ourselves.

When you need to ground, sit firmly on the ground, or in a chair with your feet firmly planted and your spine straight. Feel the support of the earth, how solid it is, how many eons it has been here, and will be here. Tune in to the energy it offers you, the strength it shares with you, the unchanging support it affords you. Say to yourself:

I am grounded.

My spirit is part of the earth and my roots are deep.

The earth supports me.

The earth centers me.

The earth provides for me.

I am safe.

I am held.

I trust the earth to remain steadfast.

I trust God to show me the way.

May we all find solid ground in the coming year, may we be that solid ground for each other, and may we take good care of ourselves so we can show up when we need to as whole, centered, grounded people.

You are Still Beloved.

Victoria McGee

12/28/20

Why We Sometimes Hold Onto Trauma

by Victoria McGee, posted in A Course in Miracles, forgiveness, God, healing, Pema Chodron, PTSD, rape, recovery, spirituality, Thich Nhat Hanh, trauma, Uncategorized

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“The sooner we heal our traumas, the sooner we liberate ourselves from the people who hurt us. By hating them, we hold onto them. We cannot heal.” – Vironika Tugaleva

As I have studied, learned and written about healing trauma, I find I’m guilty of assuming that if you have been through trauma, you must want to heal. I forget that some souls perhaps don’t want to look at it, deal with it, or get better; at least, not now. I forget it until I’m face to face with such a person and I realize they are still holding onto a trauma from long ago – sometimes decades ago.

I used to wonder “What are they getting out of it? What’s the payoff?” Which sounds cold when you’re talking about a trauma survivor. But this is the thought I jump to when I see someone not making progress years after trauma. In reality, it’s far more complicated than my question, and of course, the reasons are as individual as we are. So in digging a little deeper, I found the reasons for holding onto trauma fall into three large categories (with many sub-categories).

The thought processes are basically the following:

Moving past trauma lets the person who caused it off the hook.

Moving past trauma means I can no longer be let off the hook.

Moving past trauma means I will have figure out who I am if I’m not suffering.

These are not light issues, not light thoughts. They are huge and overwhelming and no wonder people are often reluctant to confront these feelings! Let’s dive deeper.

“Moving past trauma lets the person who caused it off the hook.” This thought is often accompanied by other, related thoughts. If I forgive, then they’ll think they didn’t really hurt me. If I move past this and become stronger and more resilient, they’ll think their actions had no effect on me. If I forgive them, I’m weak.

The reality check to this thinking is part logic, part spirit. Logically, we have no idea what another person thinks of us, even they treat us poorly it’s more about them than what they think about us. And when we second-guess others’ thoughts and motivations, we give them even more power over us, thereby remaining stuck in the past. Spiritually, forgiving and moving on is something we do for ourselves, not for them. The longer we hold onto anger and withhold forgiveness, the longer we are in a state of inertia that we perpetuate. We don’t let anyone off the hook by moving past trauma – we break the chains that are keeping us in a dark place, so we can begin to climb to the light.

“Forgiveness is not always easy. At times it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness.” ~ Marianne Williamson

“Moving past trauma means I can no longer be let off the hook.” This second reason people might hold onto trauma is pretty insidious. Sadly, some of us find that in sharing our trauma we are seen as a victim, and people around us can start to let us off the hook. If we have certain unmet needs inside us, this can feel pretty good. It also gives us valid reasons for not fully dealing with people and situations in our life. We can start to use it as a way to avoid life, people, and in the worst cases, work and responsibility. I think all of us who have gone through trauma have been through phases of this. With therapy and hard work, we usually get past it.

The reality check to this thinking is realizing that again, you’re giving the trauma and whoever you associate with it, the power to keep you from fully engaging in life. Every time we use it as a way to avoid life, we empower the trauma, not ourselves. I’m not talking about the times we need to practice PTSD self-care and carve out safe, quiet time. If we’re honest with ourselves, we know the difference between self-care and avoidance. And if we’ve really gone down a dark path and avoid work and responsibilities, it will undoubtedly cause people who care for us to have to pick up the slack or bail us out.  It’s so important to take an honest look at how our healing impacts others, usually our family. If we have avoided therapy, or are playing on being a victim, not a survivor, we are denying our full and beautiful light from coming forth. Our inner wells of strength and faith are deep, so turn this fear over to God so we can truly conquer trauma, and not live it again every day.

“We can make ourselves miserable or we can make ourselves strong. The amount of effort is the same.” ~ Pema Chodron

“Moving past trauma means I will have to figure out who I am if I’m not suffering.” This thought manifests as many different thoughts that allow the trauma to define you. I’m a person who was profoundly hurt. Trauma is my identity, therefore in my pain I feel safe. We naturally do identify with being a victim of trauma initially. This should fade and assume a back-burner position in a healthy identity as we heal.

If it doesn’t, as a therapist I once knew said, “It doesn’t feel good, but it feels familiar.” We know how to play that part, so we play it because it’s comfortable, it’s easier, and we’re tired. But the danger, the reality check in this thinking, is that you’re once again giving your power to the trauma, not the recovery. You’re living a role, an identity, that was forced on you, not one you’ve chosen for yourself. Your true spirit, your true nature is on that back-burner. Invite it to come forward, try to open yourself to what the Universe has for you next. When you put a foot on this path of letting that old identity go, new possibilities will unfold!

Healing trauma is rich, unrelenting, exhausting, and rewarding. There are so many modalities now to deal with PTSD – therapy, EMDR, tapping, and of course, I believe, taking God with you every step of the way can only enhance your experience and restore your faith more quickly. So who could you become as you move past trauma?

We can only know when we begin to climb out of the quicksand. Staying stuck can only pull us down into depression, health issues, addictions and more. Healing is the process of getting un-stuck, of creating movement, of creating energy to move, of letting go.

“People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

 

“You Are on the Fastest Route”

by Victoria McGee, posted in A Course in Miracles, Dalai Lama, eckhart tolle, faith, God, healing, Iyanla Vanzant, Marianne Williamson, spirituality, trauma, Trust, Uncategorized

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“It is worth remembering that the time of greatest gain in terms of wisdom and inner strength is often that of greatest difficulty.” ~ Dalai Lama

I have done a lot of driving lately with my car GPS turned on, helping me navigate and stay aware of what may lie ahead. Every time you head out on a new route, Siri politely assures you that, “You are on the fastest route.” In case we were thinking about a side street, or thinking we know better, Siri assures us it’s all under control. We can just sit back and drive.

Every time I hear that message I think of my spiritual life. There have been so many times in life when the lessons have come so fast and hard that I begged God for mercy, just a little breathing room, just a little time to REST. But I firmly believe this life is a large schoolyard where we are given lesson after lesson, as we are ready for them, in order to grow our souls. So I know that I am given what I can handle when I can handle it. Even when it doesn’t feel like it.

“The challenges we face in life are always lessons that serve our soul’s growth.”    ~ Marianne Williamson

Lessons come at us in many forms. It can be a small, gentle reminder, or a painful trauma. I’ve observed the resulting growth is in direct proportion to the magnitude of the lesson. For example, if I’m having some kind of pity party, God will put in front of me someone who is much worse off – a reminder to be grateful and do what I can to help others. On the other hand, having survived a traumatic attack, the lessons contained in regaining my self, conquering crippling fear, gaining a deep understanding of forgiveness, and moving forward in life with courage and faith are lessons I could not have learned as quickly in any other way. My faith in this process is as much a part of me now as breathing.

“Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

I love this quote from Eckhart Tolle because it is so simple and straightforward and implies such trust in the unfolding of the Universe and our place in it! We are always on the fastest route if this is true. We cannot help but be in the right place at the right time.

Many times in the midst of an experience, especially something around loss, trauma or pain, we naturally don’t want to be there. We want it to end, to get better, or change in some way. This is a natural fight or flight response. It is only as we recover, as we heal and as we turn to God, that we can see the reasons things happened the way they did. The lessons are not apparent in the moment, only in reflection.

“Regardless of how hard, challenging, frightening, or difficult experiences may seem, everything is just as it needs to be in order for us to heal, grow and learn.”                      ~ Iyanla Vanzant

However much we may want to avoid the learning, or skip out on lessons, they are necessary for our growth. It’s only human to want to avoid pain – even Jesus asked that “this cup be taken from me.” But we know we must walk through the experience for a lesson to be fully realized and integrated.

We are on the fastest route – but how do we get through the moments of pain and challenge? Trust. It always comes down to Trust. Trust in the Strength of God to sustain you through life’s darkest hours. Trust that the path you are on is truly the fastest route to your enlightenment. Trust that God will send you people, places and pets that will serve to hold you up and heal you when needed. Trust in the mighty life force energy within you, trust that it is part of God, part of all the good in the Universe, and a force of Love.

“God never uses anyone greatly until he tests them deeply.” ~ A.W. Tozer

We must believe that a slower curriculum would not serve us, so let us try to trust every day that we are on the fastest route. And let’s buckle up – it has been and will continue to be a bumpy ride. Find good companions for the trip, and know God is behind the wheel.

You are Still Beloved.

Victoria McGee

March 7, 2019

CONSTANTLY TURNING TOWARD GOD

by Victoria McGee, posted in A Course in Miracles, God, healing, Mahatma Gandhi, Marianne Williamson, meditation, prayer, PTSD, spirituality, trauma, Uncategorized

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“Prayer is the key of the morning and the bolt of the evening.” ~ Mahatma Gandhi

I love this quote from Gandhi, reminding us to open the day in prayer, and close it in prayer as well. This is something to take to heart, as it can guide the time in between rising and bedtime. But what happens in between? If you’re like me, I wander far from the path, I forget to pray and turn my mind, heart and thoughts to God. I enter the realm of business and worry. You too?

I was struck by this thought a couple of months ago. That I need to be constantly turning toward God. And yet daily, I catch myself trying to figure out a problem, worrying about a family member or friend’s health, making plans for the future, having regrets about the past, busying my mind with everything except the Divine. And I believe my ego mind wants it this way. The more it keeps me in a trance of fixing, judging and doing, the less likely I am to turn to God.

“God is the water, and you are the faucet.” ~ Marianne Williamson

When we naturally and instantaneously turn to God is when something literally “brings us to our knees.” A sudden death, illness or trauma shakes us to the core and we automatically ask God to come in, to comfort us, to bring healing to the situation. And we feel God then don’t we? We feel the comfort, the envelopment of God’s love that helps us raise our heads again and move forward. It is truly beautiful, even in the midst of a horrible moment.

For survivors of trauma, you would think turning toward God and calling on God every moment of every day would be like breathing. We must have it or we die. But we are MASTERS of distraction! I noticed this in my life so clearly. When a trauma occurs, I fall to my knees, I bring God in, I pray without ceasing. But as days go by it becomes clear I can’t drop out of life (like I want to).  I have to continue with jobs and groceries and living, so I developed the marvelous coping skill of distraction. I dare say that in most of us, this skill is over-developed!

And we need to forgive ourselves for bending toward distraction. How else can we sleep at night, when our mind, left unchecked, will play reruns of our trauma on a loop? How else can we check out at the grocery store when a magazine headline has triggered us and we suddenly want to cry? How else can we make small talk when such shallow actions make us want to scream? We distract ourselves with activities, thoughts, plans and MAKE our minds think of something else. It’s a survival skill, but at what cost?

“Meditation goes in. Prayer goes out. But they both aim for the same place of union between you and the Divine.” ~ Lisa Jones

Hopefully, eventually, we learn to distract our minds with God again. We learn that these thoughts are not just a distraction, but they are a point of focus that can heal us. We learn that we can place ourselves in the light by simply turning toward God. Like all good habits, it takes practice and vigilance. But beyond that, it takes a deep knowing that this IS what will save you. God’s light. God’s love. God’s grace. Meditate on it and feel it within. Pray to God and send it out. Then rest in the knowledge that within and without are the same place. And that place is God.

“It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.” ~ Aristotle

We move forward in life, our little wounded selves rallying every day to see what can happen, what good we can do, what love we can share. We truly are so brave. Let us try every day to keep turning toward God. Constantly. For that is where we will find peace. That is where we will find light. Find a mantra, a verse, a quote, anything that will take you out of your busy monkey mind and bring you back to God. For a moment. And then another. And then another.

“Don’t worry about anything; instead pray about everything.” ~ Philippians 4:6

You are Still Beloved.

Victoria McGee

January 18, 2019

Taming Fear, Taming Thoughts

by Victoria McGee, posted in A Course in Miracles, Buddha, Caroline Myss, Dr. Wayne Dyer, God, grief, healing, Mahatma Gandhi, Oneness, Pema Chodron, PTSD, rape, Sharon Salzberg, spirituality, Thich Nhat Hanh, trauma, Uncategorized

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“My thoughts are not going to disappear, but I can develop a different relationship with them.” ~ Sharon Salzberg

I was thinking about the nature of fear the other day, wondering why last year I was triggered at times about my own trauma when dealing with the grief of facing my father’s death. Aren’t grief, trauma and fear all different emotions? Or all they all fear? A Course in Miracles (and other spiritual teachings) contend that all that is not love, is fear. So whether we are angry, depressed, grieving, or anxious – it’s all fear. I find this to be true, that when I follow the more obvious emotion deeper, to its core, I eventually end up at fear. And when I sit with one fear, other fears come up. Which led me to this conclusion:

“One fear begets other fears because it reminds us of our vulnerability.”

In dealing with my father’s death, I felt vulnerable. I felt powerless. I felt unable to cope. I felt like it was all so unfair. These are mirror emotions to how I felt after sexual assault. No wonder I was triggered. And all of these emotions are fear-based. Before you know it, once you allow yourself to fall into the thoughts of fear, your mind will offer you a buffet of all the times in your life you have felt afraid, vulnerable, powerless, angry. What will you choose today?

It can be so oddly comfortable there, swimming in fear, because we know these thoughts, we’ve been on this ride before. It doesn’t feel good, but it feels familiar. Past hurts, nightmarish images, ugly memories play on the screen of our mind. We know how to do this all too well. We often don’t know how to make it stop.

“Nothing brings suffering as does the untamed, uncontrolled, unattended and unrestrained mind. That mind brings great suffering.” ~ Buddha

As the Buddha says, this kind of thinking, fear-based and uncontrolled, brings great suffering. And God would not have us live there, in that state of suffering. God would have us move toward Love. The way out, then, is the opposite of what the Buddha describes. The way out is learning to control and tame our thoughts. The way out is to attend, with great care, the thoughts we allow to occupy our mind. The way out is to constantly return our thoughts to the Divine. How do we accomplish this? Through prayer, meditation, mindfulness and service.

“I cannot always control what goes on outside. But I can always control what goes on inside.” ~ Wayne Dyer

We truly have no control over what happens outside of us, around us, and the world at large. But we do, as Dr. Dyer says, have control over what goes on inside. So to control our thoughts, thereby reducing our fear, we must continually turn inward. Prayer, even for a moment, gives us a break from our spiraling thoughts. Start with a breath, an instant, and fill your mind with a brief prayer – God is love. All is God. God is love. All is God. Even this brief break in fear thoughts will start to calm you and distract your mind. Prayer opens the channel to God’s love. Spend as much time there as you can to quiet fear.

“Meditation isn’t really about getting rid of thoughts, it’s about changing the pattern of grasping onto things, which in our everyday experience is our thoughts,” ~ Pema Chodron

Meditation is a wonderful tool for taming our thoughts. Meditation has helped me by putting me in a state of openness to the thoughts of God, rather than my own thoughts. In meditation, my fear thoughts show up, but because I’m sitting in a state of Oneness, they don’t hold the same power and I let them go much more easily. Meditation also helps us see our thoughts as merely thoughts. The thoughts in our mind are all based on the past, so they have no real threat to us in the present. Let them stay in the past, floating through and out, while you sit in Love.

“Mindfulness helps you go home to the present.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

Mindfulness is a beautiful tool for getting control of fear thoughts. As the Buddha said, unattended thoughts bring suffering. Attending to your thoughts and actions with complete mindfulness brings peace in that moment. The beauty of mindfulness is you can practice it anywhere at any time. We are often drawn to being mindful when spending time with someone whose end of life is near. We savor the time together, take mental pictures with our mind, and stay fully present with them when we are together. When we are mindful, we savor and treasure the present moment, staying in the moment. Fear thoughts, since they are based on the past, find no home when we are being mindful. It is a luxurious break from daily stress. A spa visit for your mind.

“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others,” ~ Mahatma Gandhi

Lastly, service is a beautiful tool for taking us out of spiraling fear thoughts. When we are present for others, we cannot get lost in our own thinking. Service has been described as deceptively selfish, because we enter in with the intent of being there for others, but we come away feeling healed ourselves. There is such Divine beauty in sitting witness for someone else’s struggle. You will find God there, and your own devastating thoughts will recede as you find it in yourself to help someone else.

Sometimes, we must treat our worldly mind like a toddler and simply distract it. When our thoughts feel like a broken record we can “move the needle” with these tools – prayer, meditation, mindfulness and service. We can tame the fears because we can tame our thoughts. What will you choose today?


“The soul always knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind.” ~ Caroline Myss

You are Still Beloved.

Victoria McGee

2/19/2018

Be Still and Know

by Victoria McGee, posted in A Course in Miracles, Adyashanti, eckhart tolle, God, healing, Lao Tzu, meditation, Mindfulness, Paramahansa Yogananda, spirituality, trauma, Uncategorized

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“Stop all doing and be still. Let the fire of stillness burn everything and reveal that which is Openness.” ~ Adyashanti

Be still.

Sit in stillness.

Be still and know.

I’ve been seeing this message everywhere lately – even on a sign at a craft store. So cool that this idea is becoming more mainstream at a time when we need it most. The world is more full of distractions than ever in its history, so being still is critical, not only for ourselves, but the planet we live on.

When you’ve been through trauma and are working on healing, being still can be difficult. We are tempted to keep in motion, find distractions, essentially run away from our own mind where the shadows live.

We come to learn that is where we must go to defeat the shadows and find the light.

“When you lose touch with inner stillness, you lose touch with yourself. When you lose touch with yourself, you lose yourself in the world.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

This quote from Eckhart Tolle is so true, isn’t it? And we know when we are lost in the world. It’s as if we are part of a discordant symphony. No matter how hard we try to play, the notes come out wrong. Sitting in stillness is like tuning your instrument. Until we quiet the whole orchestra, the song we are supposed to be playing cannot be heard.

It’s often difficult for people with PTSD to practice stillness and meditation at first. If our trauma is fresh, our mind can be a scary place to spend time. Left to our own devices, our mind will replay tapes of traumatic experiences. Trying to empty our mind and be still can lead to extreme discomfort and agitation. Sometimes closing our eyes is impossible, because the images are right there, ready to trouble our mind and spirit again.

I’ve been there. I’ve been afraid to close my eyes. Afraid to sit still. Afraid of the dark. Afraid of my own mind. I was lucky that I was never afraid of prayer, and that I believed in prayer on the go. I found I could pray at a stop light, in the grocery store, anywhere. Prayer was my way in to the stillness. Prayer and practice. Eventually, prayer and meditation became one.

“Stillness is the altar of the spirit.” ~ Paramahansa Yogananda

If sitting still is difficult for you, I invite you to practice. Start with only 1 minute a day. Simply sit and be still. If you have a prayer, say it. If you have a mantra, say it. Sometimes just repeating a simple phrase works, like “Be with me, God.”Just be still. If you don’t want to close your eyes, fix your gaze on something pleasant for that 1 minute, and try to quiet your mind. Stay with 1 minute for as many days or weeks as it takes to feel comfortable and at ease here. Then slowly add to it. Your mind, spirit and heart will begin to crave this minute and lead you to longer practice periods. Take your time, but take the time. The ability to sit with yourself, with God, will give you back your power, and speed your healing.

“Within yourself is a stillness, a sanctuary to which you can retreat at any time and be yourself.” ~ Herman Hesse 

Think of your post-trauma self as a murky bowl of water, cloudy with stuff. We are the ones who keep it murky by constant movement, avoidance, distraction, and mindless stirring of the stuff. So how does cloudy water become clear? Stillness. The sediment sinks to the bottom and the clear water rises to the top. That which is not useful will fall away when we stop stirring and allow clarity to ascend.

“Let it be still, and it will gradually become clear.” ~ Lao Tzu

In searching for thoughts on stillness for this blog today, I was struck by how universal this idea is among all religions. From the Psalms, “Be still and know that I am God,” to Buddhism, Islam, Hindu writings, and beyond, they all point us inward as our path to draw closer to God.

There may be shadows in your mind, in your stillness, but the light and Love that knows no limit is also there, waiting for the opportunity to heal and comfort you.

“In quietness are all things answered, and is every problem quietly resolved.”                      ~A Course in Miracles 

Be Still and Know you are Beloved.

Victoria McGee

January 29, 2018

Being In the Love

by Victoria McGee, posted in A Course in Miracles, Buddha, Dalai Lama, Desmond Tutu, faith, forgiveness, God, healing, Jesus, love, PTSD, Ram Dass, rape, recovery, self-improvement, spirituality, trauma

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“Be loving and kind. Call everyone to your table of kindness.”

~Ma Jaya

In a meditation not too long ago, I was trying to just stay open and not have an agenda, but secretly hoping I might feel some presence or connection with my father, who had recently passed on. As I became aware of that thought and sought to let it go, trying to return to a connection to God, this thought floated into my consciousness, “Be in the Love.”

Sometimes we get messages and guidance we don’t understand. This one was immediately crystal clear for me – Be in the Love, for that is where your father is. Be in the Love, for that is where your comfort lies. Be in the Love, for that is where you will find hope. Sit in the presence of Love.

Such a direct and beautiful reminder to constantly bring ourselves into Love in order to feel and reflect God’s Love.

And how soon we forget. I’m learning and trying and meditating and seeking like so many. And we are, after all, spiritual beings having a human experience! So we are tested in how we love and who we love. I have been struggling with this in the face of so much going on in the world regarding political and sexual misconduct. I’ve been harsh and judgmental and truly hateful toward these people. How do we look at these people and feel Love?

I don’t know the answer! I’m struggling with it! But I suspect it’s very similar to the reason we forgive others. Because we keep ourselves in chains if we don’t. Every time I withhold Love, I’m separating myself from God.

Ouch.

So I have to find ways to Love (or at the very least not hate) so I may draw closer to God. It sounds selfish, but the more we all expand and spread God’s Love, the better for all beings.

“Remember – we are not the light; we are simply the lightbulbs. Our job is to remain screwed in.”  ~ Desmond Tutu

How do we stay “screwed in” when we have so many distractions tempting us to withhold our Love and react in judgment? I think the answer lies in compassion. I often see horrible deeds done on the news, whether in war or everyday insanity, and I think, “My God, what must this person’s life be like for them to act like that or do those things?” And just that little sliver of compassion helps me to feel moved to pray for them. We pray for those that are hurt, but we know the one who committed the act needs prayer as well.

Scarlett Lewis, who lost her small son Jesse in the tragedy at Sandy Hook, said this about the shooter, “The reason I say Adam Lanza’s name is because I think it’s vitally important we remember that he was a human being too. And he was in a tremendous amount of pain.” She found her way to forgiveness through compassion. She’s choosing to Be in the Love. Her strength and wisdom are beyond inspiring.

“As you dissolve into Love, your ego fades. You’re not thinking about Loving; you’re being Love, radiating like the Sun.”  ~ Ram Dass

I want to Be in the Love. I want to radiate like the Sun! So I’m going to keep trying, every day, to screw in my lightbulb to the Source or light and Love, by turning toward compassion instead of judgment. Compassion, I truly believe, will guide us to Love. And Love will take us Home every time.

Be in the Love.

Be in the Love.

Be in the Love.

You are Still Beloved.

Victoria McGee

January 15, 2018

Happy New Year???

by Victoria McGee, posted in A Course in Miracles, Buddha, faith, grief, healing, PTSD, Ram Dass, rape, spirituality, trauma, Uncategorized

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“Be here now.” ~ Ram Dass

There’s nothing like a new year to make us start “shoulding” on ourselves. We get caught up in the idea of resolutions and new beginnings, when really this man-made calendar has nothing to do with our inner path, or where our wisdom can take us if we are listening instead of planning.

I tried to have a happy new year. I really did. I was dealing with a ton of grief and I tried to shove it down and feel happy and hopeful about 2018. But I couldn’t do it. Of course, I hope 2018 is better than 2017, but my reserves of hope are depleted at this moment, so my cry of hope for the new year is more “meh” than “Yes!” When I got very honest with myself, I had to admit I was entering the new year feeling sad and empty.

And then I had to get okay with that.

Turning a calendar page cannot rush my process. Watching a ball drop cannot put balm on my wounds. Sad and empty is where I am in my processing of grief, and my job is to honor it and let it be my truth in this moment. Allowing is sometimes the most difficult part.

“You have to feel it to heal it.” ~ Unknown

We have all been raised and taught to compartmentalize our emotions. It’s actually a good life skill that helps us carry on sometimes when we must, in spite of what we are feeling. There are times when we absolutely love practicing this life skill, so we can avoid the emotions that seem so scary: fear, grief, guilt, rage, despair, disappointment. It’s daunting to unpack those sometimes. And yes, you don’t want to do it at the market, or at work, but they must be unpacked at some point.

If we don’t unpack them, life becomes a game of Whack-A-Mole, where no matter how many times we push the emotion down, it pops back up when we least expect it! So we must find a way to let the feelings out. This is different for everyone and every situation, and I urge you to identify what works for you and honor it. I tend to want to be alone and have privacy to process. When I don’t have the time or space to do this, I can start to feel like a pressure cooker. Others may want to let feelings out with someone there to witness and console. And for deep trauma and grief, there’s nothing quite like being able to unpack your feelings with a good therapist.

So how can God help in this process? There is no situation where God would not be helpful, but in applying spiritual principles to allowing and honoring our feelings, I find that inviting God in and then turning everything over to the Divine is how we start.

As I work through allowing myself to be sad and empty and bereft, I say this prayer:

Dear God, my __(any emotion)_____ is so powerful today. I can’t bear it alone. Please be with me, feel this with me, and help me feel safe in allowing the feeling to be felt and honored as deeply as possible. I turn this feeling over to you, Holy Spirit, to be healed, and I give you my heart to be comforted. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Amen.

Whatever you are dealing with, and we’re ALL dealing with something, let us feel it. Feeling it is where the growth lies. There is no growth in carrying on and shoving things down. It takes courage to face these feelings, but the alternative is numbness, and an inauthentic life. What is the reward for such courage?

Eckhart Tolle says this:

“If you had not suffered as you have, there would be no depth to you as a human being, no humility, no compassion.”

So let’s honor our feelings and not the calendar. Let’s begin each day anew instead of just one day each year. Wherever we are on our path is where we need to be right now.

God is with us.

You are Still Beloved.

Victoria McGee

January 9, 2018

Triggers Everywhere – What Could it Mean?

by Victoria McGee, posted in A Course in Miracles, healing, Pema Chodron, PTSD, rape, spirituality, trauma, Triggers, Uncategorized

“Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.” ~ Pema Chodron

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I haven’t written a blog in a long time – I feel very out of practice. I’ve been through two moves and the loss of my father, who I was blessed to have for 92 years. Much of my faith in God came from his example, and I’m so grateful for that priceless gift. Getting through the grief a bit, and feeling settled now, I can finally write again.

In the meantime, so much has been happening in the world. So much trauma coming to light. There are triggers everywhere these days for survivors of sexual abuse, assault, and harassment. In the U.S., at least, we have been inundated with daily reports of powerful men being accused of sexual misconduct on a scale never seen before.

It has triggered me, as well. These stories are abhorrent. They’ve been followed by so many interesting reactions from people saying it’s overkill (really?) to men publicly admitting they are guilty of at least some of this behavior, and didn’t realize it was such a big deal. Really?

I honestly do not know a single woman who has not had to deal with unwanted remarks, cat-calls, touching or worse. So even though it’s triggering to have all this out there, I’m grateful it’s happening, and that so many people, not just women, are finding their voice and speaking out.

I believe we are witnessing the beginning of a shift, a revolution that has been a long time coming! Watching the news last night, I felt like this is just the tip of the iceberg, the beginning of so many stories that have been buried beneath the ocean, frozen for lack of a believing audience. Of course, there will be those who are just seeking attention or who will exaggerate to get into the conversation, but we can’t let them distract us from the plethora of detailed truths we will hear.

I feel these current events, with people facing accountability and consequences for sexual misconduct, are creating a dynamic shift that will go down in history as equal to any other great movement that has brought about lasting change.

As with all of my writing about the effects of trauma and the healing of it, I have to frame what is happening spiritually. How does God play into all this? Is this part of a Divine plan? How can we, as spiritual beings, help advance the possible enlightened growth available in these situations?

“In order to know the light, we must first experience the darkness.”  ~ Carl Jung

As Carl Jung stated, we have to first look at the darkness. That is what’s happening now. All of these cases and accusations and victims and perpetrators are coming forward to show us the darkness. This is truly darkness as these stories have been hiding in the shadows, some quietly paid off, some simply too frozen with fear to speak, for decades – actually, since prehistoric man.

This darkness can’t be healed until we look at it.  We cannot shine light on it and begin to heal until we truly see it’s ugly dark visage.

And what of the Divine? Are these victims being used to spark this healing movement? Possibly. And what of the perpetrators? Did they agree to fill that role this lifetime so this darkness could finally be brought forward and healed? Now that’s an interesting question! In her book, Sacred Contracts, Caroline Myss writes about such possibilities. It’s a mind-blowing read. She says: “In a Sacred Contract, an individual and the Divine commit to a mission that promises to expand that individual’s spiritual consciousness as well as further the expression of the Divine on earth.”

I can’t imagine the Divine designing the suffering of people through trauma as a way to raise the consciousness of the earth. But I can imagine that perhaps my own higher power would have agreed to that in this lifetime, if it would help to raise up others. How deeply, how painful, how profoundly do these sacred contracts go?

I don’t have solid answers here, I’m just sharing thoughts I’ve had about all this, and perhaps bringing up some important questions. Someday we will get the answers we seek. Until then, let’s pray for all involved here. The victims, the perpetrators, and those looking on – that these situations and the change, the tidal wave, that is coming, will be surrounded by God’s light and wisdom.

“That which is holding you down can become a powerful force that raises you up.”

~ Michael A. Singer

“Now are we blessed, and now we bless the world. What we have looked upon we would extend, for we would see it everywhere. We would behold it shining with the grace of God in everyone. We would not have it be withheld from anything we look upon.” – A Course in Miracles

You are Still Beloved.

Victoria McGee

11/30/2017

How Do We Dance with Dread?

by Victoria McGee, posted in A Course in Miracles, faith, grief, healing, Max Lucado, PTSD, rape, Rumi, trauma, Uncategorized

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“The cure for pain is in the pain.” ~ Rumi

Everyone, whether touched by trauma or not, has to deal with dread at some point. Sometimes we dread simple things; a test at school, Mondays, meetings, running into someone we’d rather not see. Sometimes we dread complex things; a diagnosis, a treatment, a triggering situation, the loss of a loved one.

How do we do it? How do we dance with dread in this life?

As long ago as I experience trauma, I still feel dread sometimes when I have to sleep alone somewhere. I dread the night. I dread the fears. I dread returning to a state of mind where I feel so vulnerable. I have turned to various things to help me sleep and feel safe. I’ve found that it’s much easier to find things to help me sleep than to help me feel safe. And that is what I actually dread, the battle to feel safe.

Dread is an interesting and complex emotion. On the surface, we can see that it’s a feeling of anticipating something with great anxiety and fear. Sometimes it’s based on nothing. We imagine an outcome that is built on the experience of others – things we have heard, read or seen. Other times it’s based on our own experiences, something we have been through, and fear may happen again. This kind of dread is tough because we have proof, real evidence, that this thing we fear could happen, because it did.

Dread is also a paralyzing emotion. It keeps us stuck in fear as long as we honor it. When we become focused on dread, we literally can think of nothing else. And sometimes that’s okay. There are situations where dread is a normal step in dealing with what is before you. It could be a medical diagnosis or the death of someone close to you. It’s entirely appropriate and necessary to feel that dread, walk through it and come out on the other side.

But it’s important not to get stuck there.

“Ive developed a new philosophy. I only dread one day at a time.” ~ Charlie Brown

So how does the Divine ask us to deal with dread? The Divine always answers the complex with the simple. What can heal our fears? Turning to God. What can help me feel safe? Reaffirming that God will not forsake me. What can assuage this dread? Finding our faith in the Divine Love of the Universe.

“Each moment contains a hundred messages from God. To every cry of “Oh God!,”             He answers a hundred times, “I am here.”   ~ Rumi

I am facing things I dread right now. A night alone, a difficult move, the inevitable loss of one I hold dear. I can obsess about these things, I can focus on the feeling of dread they bring. I have experience with these things, I know they are hard, and therefore I dread them.

But I have faith. I have met these things in the past and survived them. These experiences gave me lessons and growth I could not have achieved without them. So who am I to ask that I not have difficulty? I am human. Sometimes life is difficult. My life has been more difficult than some, but not nearly as difficult as many others. Once again, I give this dread over to the Holy Spirit to be alchemized into something new. This is my action. This is how I end the paralysis of dread. And when I do, I feel lighter and at peace.

“Does God promise absence of struggle? Not in this life…But He does pledge to reweave your pain for a higher purpose.”  ~ Max Lucado

This is such a beautiful quote from Max Lucado and helps us know that no matter how much we dread struggle, we are probably going to experience it. But God will take those struggles and use it to enrich our tapestry with deeper meaning and understanding.

So, as with all emotions that are not Love, we must turn over our dread – sometimes constantly – so that God can heal it. We can’t do it on our own, nor are we meant to. When we dance with dread, we must remember that we are not dancing alone, we have a Partner. Let God lead.

“You are but asked to let the future go, and place it in God’s Hands. And you will see by your experience that you have laid the past and present in His Hands as well, because the past will punish you no more, and future dread will now be meaningless.”                                       A Course in Miracles, Lesson 194

You are Still Beloved.

Victoria McGee

July 9, 2017