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Guest Post – Wellness Guide for Healing and Mental Fortitude

Featured by Victoria McGee, posted in wellness

by Guest Writer Michelle Peterson

Photo via Pexels

In the journey of healing from trauma, self-care emerges as a beacon of hope and resilience. This exploration into self-care’s transformative power reveals how adopting such practices can profoundly bolster your mental health. Self-care isn’t just an act of indulgence; it’s a vital strategy for enhancing your life’s quality, offering a buffer against the hardships that life often presents. In this guide, presented by Victoria McGee at Still Beloved, we’ll look at several things you can do to take care of your physical and mental wellness while healing from trauma.

Building a Bulwark Against Burnout

Self-care serves as a crucial shield, safeguarding you from burnout and exhaustion. It’s about understanding your limits and granting yourself permission to step back and rejuvenate. By regularly engaging in self-care, you create a resilient foundation that supports you, enabling you to navigate daily challenges with renewed energy and a calmer mindset.

Refining Self-Care in Remote Work

For those working from home, optimizing your self-care routine can be transformative. Simple yet impactful actions like letting sunlight into your workspace or using a lamp that mimics natural light in darker months can uplift your mood. These small changes can significantly boost your mental clarity and overall well-being, even in the confines of your home.

Enhancing Cognitive Sharpness

Engaging in self-care activities that focus on mental rejuvenation can remarkably enhance your cognitive functions and concentration. Activities that relax the mind, such as meditation or hobbies that you enjoy, can increase your focus and productivity. This sharpening of your mental faculties is a testament to the power of self-care in enhancing brain health.

Financial Well-being Through Home Economics

Managing financial stress is a vital aspect of self-care. Exploring options like home refinancing can alleviate financial burdens, creating a more peaceful mental space. By lowering monthly expenses, you not only ease monetary stress but also open up avenues for investing in other areas of self-care and mental well-being.

Prioritizing a Healthy Lifestyle

Investing in a healthier lifestyle is a cornerstone of self-care. Making choices based on thorough research about health-centric products and practices can lead to a more fulfilling and content life. By focusing on quality and effectiveness, you nurture your body and mind, paving the way for enhanced well-being.

Addressing Emotional Scars

Self-care is essential in your healing process from emotional wounds and trauma. By creating a personal sanctuary, you provide a space to confront and soothe your emotional scars. This self-care journey leads to significant personal growth, helping you become stronger and more resilient. Through this process, you find strength and healing, emerging as a more robust version of yourself.

Fostering Happiness and Contentment

Regular self-care routines significantly boost your happiness and life satisfaction. Engaging consistently in self-care creates a positive feedback loop in your life. This cycle begins with you taking care of yourself, leading to increased joy. This joy then further motivates you to maintain your self-care practices, enhancing your overall well-being.

Enhancing Social Bonds

Through self-care, you enhance your emotional stability, a key factor in maintaining healthy social relationships. Your journey towards emotional resilience, fortified by self-care, expands your ability to connect and nurture your relationships. The quality of your social interactions and connections improves significantly as you grow stronger emotionally. This growth in emotional strength, fueled by self-care, positively transforms your social life and interactions.

Self-care is crucial in your healing journey from trauma, far beyond a mere luxury, it’s essential for your mental health. By embracing self-care, you’re not just choosing temporary relief, but committing to a path where well-being and joy become enduring aspects of your life. As you prioritize self-care, you’re actively shaping a life filled with greater peace and happiness. Your dedication to self-care transforms it into a powerful tool for sustained mental and emotional resilience.

Victoria McGee offers Reiki healing sessions and spiritual consulting for those looking to enhance their mental and physical wellness. Visit Still Beloved today to learn more.

If the Body Keeps the Score, Let the Soul Call the Time-outs

Featured by Victoria McGee, posted in bessel van der kolk, Buddha, childhood abuse, Deepak Chopra, domestic violence, faith, forgiveness, God, grief, healing, meditation, Mindfulness, prayer, PTSD, recovery, self-care, self-compassion, socrates, spirituality, trauma, Triggers

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A Mindful New Year

Featured by Victoria McGee, posted in A Course in Miracles, Buddha, childhood abuse, compassionate action, domestic violence, faith, grief, healing, Jesus, Lao Tzu, military rape, Mindfulness, PTSD, Ram Dass, rape, recovery, spirituality, trauma

“Now is the only time there is.”       ~A Course in Miracles

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Last night, struggling to fall asleep as I so often do, I paid close attention to my thoughts. I noticed all of my thoughts were either about the past or the future.

I was either ruminating over things that had happened in the past, or spiraling about what could happen in the future. Recognizing this as a futile use of my mind, I reminded myself to “be here now.” (Thank you, Ram Dass.)

Lying in a dark room, unable to see much, there is truly nothing in the present moment to think about. So I began to empty my mind and focus on my breath. I noticed how my lungs fill and empty without my thinking about it. What a wonder our bodies are! I noticed how peaceful and relaxed I became as I emptied my mind of the past and future. If my mind started to drift, I came back to the simple thought, “Thank you, God.” Soon, I fell asleep.

Why is it so difficult to be in the present moment? Why do we constantly drift in our thoughts from the past to the future? What is this human tendency and has it always been there?

Perhaps we have always tended to worry. Plato, who died around 348 BC, once taught, “Nothing in the affairs of men is worthy of great anxiety.” Lao Tzu, who lived a century before Plato said, “To the mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders.” And Jesus taught, “Which of you, by being anxious, can add a single hour to your life?”

These great teachers could have never imagined the distractions we have today! It seems we are surrounded by a world that constantly distracts us from the present moment. Mastering the art of mindfulness, however, can create an oasis from our busy thoughts.

For survivors of trauma, it is easy to feel powerless to these thoughts. We empty our minds, only to have a unwanted memory flash into the peaceful space we are trying to hold onto. We clear our minds, try to sleep, but in the darkness we have anxiety about our safety, and the safety of those we love. How can we harness this wind?

First, we have to really want it. We have to want peace of mind above all else. We have to be willing to let go of the ball and chain we are dragging around.

Getting caught up in memories of the past or worrying about the future is a form of self-imposed suffering.                 ~ Ram Dass

With PTSD, we feel our suffering is not self-imposed. We didn’t ask for some of these memories we have. But the truth is, clinging to anything of the past, or fear of the future, keeps us in a prison of our own making. We must be willing to let it go, even if at first it’s just a few minutes a day. Being mindful and staying present is just like any muscle – we have to exercise it to make it stronger!

Second, find a mantra. Your mantra can be anything. Any reminder that will take you away from the painful past and the fearful future. It can be a favorite quote, a spiritual teaching, anything that brings your comfort. Memorize it and come back to it when your mind wanders. Say it with your breath. Regulate your breath. Think only of the words of the mantra and your breath. You will feel your body calm, your heart rate slow, and your mind will stop spiraling. It takes diligent practice. When it is challenging to hold onto your mindfulness, ask the Divine for help. When you really feel it, you will recognize it as such a wonderful tool in your toolbox, and a wonderful gift to yourself.

Let this be our new workout routine for the new year. And rather than focusing on weight loss, we focus on gaining Peace of Mind.

“It is extraordinary how near we are to our deeper being. It’s just a thought away.”

~ Ram Dass

You are Still Beloved

Victoria McGee

12/30/2015

The Tao of “OK”

by Victoria McGee, posted in Buddha, choosing peace, healing, self-improvement, spirituality, Uncategorized

Image by Lee from Pixabay

            You better sit down. I’m going to tell you one of the great secrets of life. There is a way to not be constantly arguing or in a state of dis-ease with others. There is a way to be in the world without feeling like you have to be ready for a battle at any time. It’s the Tao of “OK.” Here is how I learned it.

I had a mother who was always right. Even when she was wrong. There was no arguing with her. So, as a young adult, I began to develop the Tao of “OK.” In Buddhist teachings, the Tao is the path, the way, and I’ve found throughout my life, sometimes it is the only way.

            This began when my mother was talking to a relative about two major teenage illnesses I’d had. Mononucleosis and the Hong Kong Flu. She said I had Mono in 12th grade and the Hong Kong Flu in 9th grade. She had it backwards, which I knew because I was the one who was sick and I distinctly remember being teased in 9th grade for having the “kissing disease!” I spoke up and made the correction, but my mother insisted she was right. We went back and forth a few times, then I simply said, “OK.” She didn’t know how to respond to that! She gave me a look that said, I know you still think you’re right, but you’re not, and we both just moved on.

            Wow! I understood in that moment that we could both be right in our separate versions of reality! I didn’t have to convince her of anything (nor could I if I tried), and likewise, she let go of convincing me that she was right. It went back to the old adage, “Would you rather be right or happy?” I’d rather be happy – 100% of the time. Admittedly, this was a small thing for us to argue about, but I’ve found throughout my life that the Tao of OK can be applied to many situations.

            This is not to say there are times when we absolutely need to voice our opinions, beliefs, and moral stance for the sake of critical discourse and discussion. This is to say that it’s important to know your audience, pick your battles, and put your relationships and peace of mind first. (Admittedly, there’s a chance that just answering with “OK” could infuriate the other party if they’re itching for an argument, but I’ve found that much of the time it works to diffuse minor disagreements.) My husband knows when I say, “OK” it means I still think I’m right, but it’s really not worth feeling discord in the marriage about it! Let’s just move past it. And now he does it too!

            It’s difficult in today’s world with social media and texting to always know what is really being said. People feel free to make rude or disparaging comments on social media when we express an opinion they disagree with. Here again, it’s sometimes useful to just say OK and get on with your life. You’re not likely to change their mind, nor are they likely to change yours. The need to be right is always ego-driven, not spirit-driven.

            Politics and religion are two areas people tend to not budge on. These arguments can get ugly very quickly, often devolving into personal attack. If someone attacks you or your family personally, by all means, stick up for yourself, but otherwise, is it worth sacrificing your peace of mind to make a point to someone whose beliefs are firmly entrenched? Again, I’d rather be happy and let them go their own way. In philosophy, the best arguments are those that allow for the principle of intellectual humility, understanding that even one’s most cherished beliefs could be better supported or improved. This is not the norm on social media! So pick your battles.

            Spiritually, the Tao of OK helps me remain peaceful and loving. I really loved my mom, and she loved me, with all our quirks and differing beliefs. We knew when to back down from each other, let the other person have their own beliefs, and be at peace with that. I use this with my husband and now my grown son. You’ll never agree on absolutely everything with everyone in your life. So why not choose to value your close relationships and value your peace of mind above everything? Utilize the Tao of OK, and let it be. It really is one of the great secrets of life!

Victoria McGee

12/11/2023

Spiritual Bypassing in Trauma Healing

by Victoria McGee, posted in childhood abuse, faith, forgiveness, God, grief, healing, PTSD, spirituality, trauma
Image by Anke Sundermeier from Pixabay

I’ve seen the term “spiritual bypassing” tossed around a lot lately. Although the term was first coined by psychotherapist John Welwood in the early 1980s, it’s gained public awareness due to a combination of the growing spirituality movement, and also social media quotes and memes. It’s definitely something I’ve experienced and anyone healing from trauma needs to be aware of it.

Spiritual bypassing is defined by Welwood as “a tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks.” Often, people aren’t aware they are sidestepping or avoiding dealing with issues, they truly believe applying spiritual practices solely will provide complete healing. To say “Everything happens for a reason” or “Heaven needed another angel” might give momentary comfort, but it doesn’t deal with, or in any way heal, the kind of deep mental and emotional wounds we suffer in this human life.

As much as I write about including the soul in healing trauma, the key word is “include” which means “involve as a factor.” It doesn’t mean rely on solely! My faith and spiritual beliefs have certainly helped me heal trauma, but they are not enough on their own. I had deep family and relationship issues, traumatic events, and profound grief to deal with. These mental and emotional matters required skilled psychotherapy, and I’m forever grateful to the therapists I’ve worked with over the years. Without their guidance and insight, I would never have made the progress I have!

Soon (literally days) after I was assaulted, a so-called spiritual teacher led me on a guided visualization to a safe space, where she suggested I picture my attacker and offer forgiveness.

I can’t tell you the damage this did. I was young, so of course I put my trust in an older, wiser person. But this was not the time for me to move into forgiveness, delay my rage, and stuff down my hatred. I had been violated and did not feel safe in the world. If I felt rage, I thought “No, this happened for a reason. It will make me stronger.” If I felt unsafe, I thought “No, you need to trust that God will keep you safe.” (Btw, where was God when it happened?)  If I felt hatred, I thought “No, I need to forgive.” I thought of myself as spiritual, therefore I had to respond spiritually.

Thankfully, I quickly moved into therapy where my very human feelings were validated. Not just validated, but exhumed, released, and poured out into that safe space. Not only that, but I learned about trauma, trauma responses, PTSD, and that everything I was feeling, or would feel, was a normal response to an abnormal situation. Good therapists teach us about ourselves and the human condition! My healing journey continued with therapy and my only prayer became, “Help me heal.” Later, years later, there was eventually forgiveness, but it was for my own sake, so I could move forward.

Spiritual bypassing can delay deep mental and emotional healing. Unless you work with a skilled therapist to look at your issues head on, spiritual platitudes will only sustain you for so long. According to Gail Andrews, LCSW (@mentallywellish), “Spiritual bypassing is an egoic denial that keeps the trauma pushed down and unattended. When this happens our souls ache and we may even scramble for more spiritual guidance, inspiration and direction. The cycle persists – and the work of the soul is actually denied.”

I don’t know about you, but I can be the queen of avoidance. And I will use spirituality to avoid dealing with issues that confront me. Typical avoidance tools are work, busyness, scrolling, gaming, cleaning, streaming, eating, caring for others – but it’s important to include spiritual bypassing in this list. Are you diving deep into a spiritual or religious practice, only to find yourself empty and hurting when you’re not actively worshipping or praying? This is a clue that you need therapy in conjunction with your practice. Something is remaining unhealed, and to attempt to heal the soul without healing the mind is like wrapping a broken finger without a splint. It will heal, but it could heal straighter and stronger with more effort put into the treatment.

In conjunction with this, there is evidence that spirituality itself can actually have a positive effect on your mental health. Lisa Miller, professor of psychotherapy at Columbia University has done research with brain imaging that recorded how spiritual thoughts effect the brain. The region of our brain that is associated with emotional and sensory processing actually calms when we recall a spiritual experience. What gurus and mystics have always known – quieting the mind, spiritually sitting, praying or meditating – protects our mental health.

I saw a meme recently complaining about people saying “My trauma made me stronger.” Some find this kind of thinking problematic, especially people with CPTSD, victims of childhood abuse.  I understand what they mean. It can feel like spiritual bypassing. A better option would be “Healing trauma made me stronger.” It’s not like trauma was a choice. The choice lies in our healing – how we choose to heal, how soon, and how we navigate moving forward. My hope is that we continue to find the overlaps and helpful tools within therapy and spirituality. For me, working these two paths together was necessary in healing trauma – doing one without the other would have delayed my growth, both as a person and as a soul.

Do you have experience with this? What are your thoughts about this topic?

Therapy as a Sacred Act

by Victoria McGee, posted in grief, healing, PTSD, self-compassion, spirituality, therapy, trauma, Uncategorized

Image by Benjamin Balazs from Pixabay 

“Your sacred space is where you can find yourself again and again.” ~ Joseph Campbell

Whatever is sacred to you can move you toward your truest self. It can open you to discover your truest purpose. Entering into a sacred space allows you to stop distracting yourself with the stuff of life, and center on what is important, and what is healing.

I’ve found this to also be true of psychotherapy. A course of therapy with a gifted clinician is an absolutely sacred act. It is intimate. It is soul-baring. It is getting to the raw marrow of your life and learning how it made you, and also what you may become. A good therapist helps you activate your own capacity to heal.

Before I go further into this, please know if you have suffered any abuse while in therapy or with a counselor of any kind, this article will obviously not speak to you. I wish you deep healing from any situation of that sort. I am honoring good therapy and therapists, and hoping that those thinking about going to therapy will be encouraged.

Entering into a sacred state is, to me, what we do when we start a journey into psychotherapy. We come into presence with another entity whose sole purpose is to receive us unconditionally, look at our wounds with compassion, offer tools and comfort for healing, and encourage us to see ourselves as worthy and capable. In many ways, therapy is teaching us to see ourselves as God sees us, and use that vision to effect change.

Therapy, to me, can be likened to a sacred act in these ways: it requires a safe space, trust, ritual, and surrender.

“The soul is the sacred space where my head and heart meet, where God lives.” ~  Brene Brown

A good therapist creates a safe and sacred space where the client feels able to be open and honest. Your stories are safe with your therapist. (They are only required to share information if they determine you are a danger to yourself of someone else.) Stepping into your therapist’s office should feel like stepping into a sanctuary, where you are accepted exactly as you are. This feeling takes time to build between client and healer, but once established, it becomes a space with its own energy and dynamic that exists only between the two of you. Perhaps like your own private relationship with God, this safe space is where you find relief and release.

This safe space is not established without trust. Trust, of course, takes time, and is built by your therapist truly listening, remembering from session to session what you’re working on, and also being clear with boundaries for both of you. There must be a solid foundation of trust for real therapeutic work to take place. One of the ways therapists build trust is with almost a sacred contract, that during your time together they will be reverently dedicated to you and your healing. Like a prayer, you can lay your burdens down and trust you will be supported in your struggle.

“Ritual cuts through and operates on everything besides the ‘head’ level.” ~ Aiden Kelly

Therapy also has a ritual aspect to it that rings of something sacred. The same time, each week, is set apart for the specific activity of healing the self. New things are brought and discussed and discovered, but the time, the space, the people are the same and that sameness also builds the trust and feelings of safety so crucial to the ability to be open and honest with your therapist. Keeping the routine, trying to keep the appointment at the same time and day each week is an important ritual. Ritual helps us relax into the unknown by providing solid ground to rely on.

“There is no greater agony that bearing an untold story inside you.” ~ Maya Angelou

Finally, surrender is crucial, both in therapy and in the realm of the sacred. We know when life brings us to our knees in total surrender, that is where we often find God. We surrender to the process life has in store for us and give our troubles over to be healed, our weary souls to be soothed. So it is in therapy. We surrender the hidden, the unspeakable, the ugliest memories, the darkness. We speak it out loud so it may be heard and healed. By giving it over, and giving it a voice, it becomes manageable. But not until we surrender it into capable hands. Surrender brings relief.

If you’ve worked with a good therapist, I’m sure this resonates with you. If you’ve been thinking about entering therapy, that’s a good sign that you should explore it. And if it helps you to think of it as a sacred act you can do for yourself, to bring yourself closer to a healed vision you’re holding onto, then enter that sanctuary and exhale. Breathe out what you’ve been holding and find healing.

Victoria McGee

1/28/23

3 Quotes for When We Lose Hope

by Victoria McGee, posted in spirituality, Uncategorized
Image by S. Hermann & F. Richter from Pixabay 

The world is upside down. We struggle every day to make sense of the happenings in the world. We reach, gasping for breath, hungry for hope. We reach, but many days come away empty. We feel at the mercy of events that spiral out of control – because we truly do have no control. We have only ourselves, our faith, our God. So where is God anyway? As someone who has survived trauma, I know there are moments in life where God cannot be found.

When I reach for hope, I find I keep coming back to these three quotes for comfort. They are simple, profound, and reassuring. They remind me that almost everything we experience has happened before, but the human race survives, faith persists, and somehow we go on.

The first is from Martin Luther King, Jr:

The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice.”

The moral universe being that which is the ultimate compass of what is right and what is wrong. Bending toward justice reminds us that when pain and suffering is caused, the tilt in the moral compass must be righted at some point. The Universe will bring justice to the situation, perhaps not in our time or in a way we recognize, but it will. We can look back and see this at work in the past, and we must cling to this truth in the present.

The second is from Julian of Norwich, a Christian mystic of the 14th Century. She wrote a passage I clung to when the pandemic started and still repeat it almost every day for comfort!

“All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well… For there is a Force of love in the Universe that holds us close and will never let us go.”

The force of Love moving through the Universe is whatever you call God. God does hold us close and never lets us go. But how shall things be well? That’s all relative, isn’t it? For some, it’s making enough this month to pay the bills; for a refugee, it’s a warm bed and a meal. For others, it’s winning one day in the battle of depression; for another, it’s surviving a night of shelling. For some, it’s being accepted by your family for who you are; for another, it’s being treated fairly and without prejudice. If you’ve survived trauma you know, there will eventually be days that all is well. They come, and will come again, in whatever form it takes. Have faith that God is holding us close.

The third quote is from author Jennifer Worth, who wrote “Call the Midwife.” As the Mother Superior counsels a young nurse who is distraught over something that happened and questioning God’s presence, she tells her this:

“God isn’t in the event. God is in the response to the event. In the love that is shown and the care that is given.”

This, for me, is perhaps the most comforting of all. Of course, God is not in events of human atrocity and cruelty. But look at the response. Look at the ICU nurses and doctors holding the hands of the dying during the pandemic, working tirelessly to save lives. Look at the Eastern European countries opening their homes to Ukrainian refugees without pause. Look at any disaster, and look at the response. There you find God. Hands-on God. Practical, tangible God!

Here is where we find hope. In each other.

These are my quotes that bring me peace of mind in troubled times. What are yours? Please share in the comments! The more we can ease each other’s hearts, minds, and souls, the better. These times can be exhausting – let’s hold each other up.

Because I survived trauma

by Victoria McGee, posted in Uncategorized

Image by Kei Rothblack from Pixabay

Because I survived trauma, I often find it hard to sleep.

Because I survived trauma, I double check all the windows and doors and lock them, even in the middle of the day, with two large dogs, just to take a shower.

Because I survived trauma, I jump at sudden noises and movement.

Because I survived trauma, I sometimes wake my husband in the middle of the night groaning in a night terror.

Because I survived trauma, please don’t ever jump out and surprise me because I will leave my body for a while.

Because I survived trauma, it is sometimes difficult to completely relax or feel safe – anywhere.

Because I survived trauma, there are times I will cry and mourn for who I was before; the person who felt safe in the world.

Because I survived trauma, my moments of joy are dampened with caution.

Because I survived trauma, I sometimes fluctuate between being hyper-alert, and numb.

AND

Because I survived trauma, I found inner strength I wouldn’t have found otherwise.

Because I survived trauma, I learned about healing and courage and grace.

Because I survived trauma, I discovered that forgiveness really was something I had to do so I could move on.

Because I survived trauma, I viscerally realized that anger could be a healing agent when used correctly.

Because I survived trauma, I turned to God in a more profound way than I ever would have without it.

Because I survived trauma, I assembled a toolbox of meditation, spirituality, journaling, therapy, and mindfulness that helped me survive other, lesser traumas in my life.

Because I survived trauma, I made the surprising discovery that service to others is a powerful balm for traumatic wounds.

Because I survived trauma, the tools of self-awareness, self-compassion and self-care are at the forefront of my daily ritual. I deserve nothing less.

Because I survived trauma, I changed the course of my life and sought to teach and inspire and empower young people.

Because I survived trauma, I became an alchemist, transmuting the bad that had happened to me into a fireball of motivation to live well in spite of it.

Because I survived trauma, I gained wisdom I wouldn’t have learned any other way.

Most profoundly, because I survived trauma, over time, I gave birth to a deeper version of myself.

You are Still Beloved

Victoria McGee

11/14/2021

Sometimes the wall is the way

by Victoria McGee, posted in faith, healing, self-care, spirituality, Trust
Photo by AD_Images on Pixabay

“Though we can’t always see it at the time, if we look upon events with some perspective, we see things always happen for our best interests. We are always being guided in a way better than we know ourselves.” ~ Swami Satchidananda

When I was much younger, there was a popular quote going around: “If you love something, set it free; if it comes back to you, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, it never was.” My friends and I applied this with great ferocity to relationships at the time, and it actually does make sense. Often, the tighter we try to hold onto something or someone, the more we push them away. The simple truth is we can never open the door to new love or new opportunities if we are still beating our head against a wall.

Since I have some years to look back on, I can see now that unequivocally, the times I felt blocked or stuck in life had to happen for me to finally seek a new way. The wall I felt up against was providing me a chance to choose differently, reframe my thoughts, and find a new path. But sometimes it took me SO LONG to give it up! I would try to get around, through, under, over, paint a door, blast a window, massage that damn wall for far too long before giving up. Long after the Magic 8 Ball said “Outlook not so good!” And if I’d had to admit it to myself, my gut knew the truth. My gut knew I had to let go of whatever this dream was, or the next one could not begin.

“We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” ~ Joseph Campbell

Even so, it’s all part of the process right? All those attempts to make things work taught me a lot about myself and others. It always taught me what I was and was not willing to compromise. It taught me to begin to trust myself and my ability to make decisions. And it ultimately taught me not to fight the wall quite as long the next time. Because the wall is always showing me the way.

“Be grateful that certain things didn’t work out. Sometimes you don’t even know what you’re being protected from or where you’re being guided to when you’re in the midst of chaos. That’s why you just have to trust that greater things are aligning for you. Let go gracefully.” ~ Idil Ahmed

In my life, I’ve seen this in work and in relationships. Years ago, feeling stuck as a school counselor I changed schools. Same job, different school, same wall. Plus, I felt really stuck because retirement was getting close and I had a pension and I’d paid into it and I thought I just had to stay there. But I lifted my eyes from the wall and threw myself on the mercy of the internet and other types of jobs. I ended up getting a job in Hawaii and moving and living there for four years, teaching speech and theatre, and was never happier with teaching than in my last years of it! My husband also benefited from this move and it enhanced our quality of life and relationship in untold ways! If I hadn’t been at the wall, I never would’ve found the way.

In relationships too, we often get to where we feel stuck. Feeling stuck and unhappy in my last marriage was a catalyst for my ex and I to get counseling, but ultimately decide to part.  I never would have had the opportunity to meet and marry my current husband of 20+ years if I had still been in a marriage that wasn’t right for me. My ex remarried and is also in a better fit for him. So again, the wall was the way for us to open to a better partner for each of us.  

“When suffering happens, it forces us to confront life in a different way than we normally do.” ~ Philip Yancey

Looking back at your life, notice those times when things just didn’t work out, no matter how hard you tried to make it work! Look at where you ended up after that. Maybe you’re not there yet, but can you see how the wall is providing the way by making you have to move on? Only in retrospect can we learn to trust this process. In looking back, I see that I never really gave up anything, except suffering. In giving up, I saw opportunities that I could not envision when I was  staring resentfully at the wall! Look up, turn around, give up, it’s ALL OK. A new path will appear. I promise.

“Learn to trust the journey, even when you do not understand it. Sometimes what you never wanted or expected turns out to be what you need.” ~ marcandangel

You Are Still Beloved

Victoria McGee

Oct. 26, 2021

FINDING THE BALANCE

by Victoria McGee, posted in balance, Covid-19, Deepak Chopra, faith, healing, Ram Dass, self-care, spirituality, trauma, Uncategorized
Image by Quang Nguyen vinh from Pixabay

“Life is a balance between what we can control and what we cannot. I am learning to live between effort and surrender.” ~ Danielle Orner

I have lived a while, and I’m wise in many ways, but being human means I struggle with finding balance every single day. Being spiritual, living on the Earth in 2021, constantly barraged by media, social media, and bleak news in the midst of a global pandemic, balance often eludes me. And I see it in those around me, as well. We are, after all, in this together.

But I know that without balance, I will fall into depression. If I’m only turning toward the flash, the shock and awe, I miss the constant glow of the Divine. And that is where my saving grace abides!  So how do we find balance? How do we avoid the abyss?

So many of my friends have expressed in the past few years how difficult it’s been to stay informed, but not drink from the firehose. We’re concerned about so many issues right now, and as the world has become more accessible to individuals, it means we also know more. There is more to be concerned about, more to feel compassion for, more to make our hearts heavy. How do we fall asleep at night knowing what we know? Covid, Syria, climate change, school shootings, earthquakes, homelessness, floods, uprisings, unstable governments – I could fill this page. And of course, it’s important to stay informed, but it’s also important and appropriate sometimes to turn away.

I don’t mean completely turn away from pain and suffering, especially if you can help. What I mean is it’s crucial to turn your thoughts away sometimes so your heart can remember its essence, so your soul can recover and reboot. Think of the news or doom-scrolling as ice cream. You can only have so much before you start to feel sick.

“Do not wait for leaders: do it alone, person to person. Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.” ~ Mother Teresa

I had a day recently of feeling so angry. In our county, we had been doing better with Covid, but then the Delta variant showed up, the vaccine breakthrough cases were starting to be of concern, and we had to end and cancel several events and gatherings as our county reinstated a mask mandate. I was so angry that some people’s choices were impacting the quality of life for so many, and even causing illness and death. I was so very pissed off!

Anger is certainly warranted in many situations, and just because I call myself spiritual doesn’t mean I can’t get angry – anger is part of the human existence – but I also know that staying in a state of anger helps no one. I stumbled through the rest of that day, but the following morning my rested mind returned to the three things that help me find equilibrium again when I’ve turned toward the suffering in the world for too long with no counterbalance.

The first of these is gratitude. Yes, it’s been said before but it really is true and it really does work. Putting myself in an extreme state of gratitude helps me let go of bitterness, pettiness and even rage. When I think of the things I’m most grateful for (my home, my husband, my son, my sister-friends) I feel my heart and soul start to reset. I turn toward gratitude and breathe it in.

“If you go off into a far, far forest, and get very quiet, you’ll come to understand that you are connected with everything.” ~ Alan Watts

The second is nature. Spending any time in nature actually effects stress hormones, and helps us appreciate what is good in this world. Even if you don’t have a beautiful yard or outdoor area, just a local park or community garden can help you connect with the natural world and ground yourself. Sitting outside at night, spending time with the moon and the stars, realizing how small we are in the vastness of the universe is also healing. Play with your pets, nurture your plants, dig in some dirt, watch an ant colony at work – you will feel balance creeping in as you turn toward the miracles around you.

The third is to remember who you are as a spiritual being, a child of the Universe. My mantra the past few years has come from Ram Dass. “I am loving awareness.” When I am angry, frustrated, distraught with the world, chaotic within myself, this phrase brings me home. Sitting quietly, focusing on the breath and repeating this to myself, I remember my essence. I begin to feel filled with spirit rather than fear.

My job is not to fix the world, but to fix myself so I may better serve those around me. I cannot do that if I am out of balance. So some days I will turn away from the suffering and turn toward the love and grace of God, because I cannot be of help if I’m upset – I cannot pour from an empty vessel. Together, may we find balance moving forward. The world needs us to.

“If you restore balance in your own self, you will be contributing immensely to the healing of the world.” ~ Deepak Chopra

You Are Still Beloved

Victoria McGee 9/23/21