Being In the Love

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“Be loving and kind. Call everyone to your table of kindness.”

~Ma Jaya

In a meditation not too long ago, I was trying to just stay open and not have an agenda, but secretly hoping I might feel some presence or connection with my father, who had recently passed on. As I became aware of that thought and sought to let it go, trying to return to a connection to God, this thought floated into my consciousness, “Be in the Love.”

Sometimes we get messages and guidance we don’t understand. This one was immediately crystal clear for me – Be in the Love, for that is where your father is. Be in the Love, for that is where your comfort lies. Be in the Love, for that is where you will find hope. Sit in the presence of Love.

Such a direct and beautiful reminder to constantly bring ourselves into Love in order to feel and reflect God’s Love.

And how soon we forget. I’m learning and trying and meditating and seeking like so many. And we are, after all, spiritual beings having a human experience! So we are tested in how we love and who we love. I have been struggling with this in the face of so much going on in the world regarding political and sexual misconduct. I’ve been harsh and judgmental and truly hateful toward these people. How do we look at these people and feel Love?

I don’t know the answer! I’m struggling with it! But I suspect it’s very similar to the reason we forgive others. Because we keep ourselves in chains if we don’t. Every time I withhold Love, I’m separating myself from God.

Ouch.

So I have to find ways to Love (or at the very least not hate) so I may draw closer to God. It sounds selfish, but the more we all expand and spread God’s Love, the better for all beings.

“Remember – we are not the light; we are simply the lightbulbs. Our job is to remain screwed in.”  ~ Desmond Tutu

How do we stay “screwed in” when we have so many distractions tempting us to withhold our Love and react in judgment? I think the answer lies in compassion. I often see horrible deeds done on the news, whether in war or everyday insanity, and I think, “My God, what must this person’s life be like for them to act like that or do those things?” And just that little sliver of compassion helps me to feel moved to pray for them. We pray for those that are hurt, but we know the one who committed the act needs prayer as well.

Scarlett Lewis, who lost her small son Jesse in the tragedy at Sandy Hook, said this about the shooter, “The reason I say Adam Lanza’s name is because I think it’s vitally important we remember that he was a human being too. And he was in a tremendous amount of pain.” She found her way to forgiveness through compassion. She’s choosing to Be in the Love. Her strength and wisdom are beyond inspiring.

“As you dissolve into Love, your ego fades. You’re not thinking about Loving; you’re being Love, radiating like the Sun.”  ~ Ram Dass

I want to Be in the Love. I want to radiate like the Sun! So I’m going to keep trying, every day, to screw in my lightbulb to the Source or light and Love, by turning toward compassion instead of judgment. Compassion, I truly believe, will guide us to Love. And Love will take us Home every time.

Be in the Love.

Be in the Love.

Be in the Love.

You are Still Beloved.

Victoria McGee

January 15, 2018

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PRACTICE MAKES PROGRESS

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“Spiritual practice is not just sitting and meditation. Practice is looking, thinking, touching, drinking, eating and talking. Every act, every breath, and every step can be practice and can help us to become more ourselves.” Thich Nhat Hanh

The other day at the beach, I watched a group of girls playing by the water’s edge. They looked around eleven years old and were using the hard packed sand to practice gymnastics. The tallest girl had the no-hands forward flip mastered, throwing her legs in the air and hurling herself around head first, landing on her feet every time. The other two girls were trying to master it, usually falling a bit short, but getting up and trying again. One of them finally did it and came up with such joy on her face! She had it! You could see as she continued to complete more flips that she had felt the difference and now had it mastered.

Remember how it feels when you’re young and trying so hard to master something that seems impossible or mysterious? How do those big kids whistle? How did my brother blow a bubble? Will I be able to ride a bike without training wheels? And you work and try and practice and one day – the whistle comes out! And you feel the mysterious symmetry between breath and lips that makes the sound. From that moment on, you can whistle.

I realized that it’s the same with us when it comes to healing from trauma. Whether it’s traumatic grief, physical or psychological trauma, there comes a day when we recognize we have reached our new normal. We are once again functioning, even enjoying life, and we are moving forward. We feel the mysterious symmetry between healing the spirit, mind, and body, and in that moment we recognize the feeling of being okay again.

How does it happen? How do we get there? As with all healing we take the baby steps, we start taking bigger steps, we work our healing steps over and over. And we take a few steps back now and then. But as long as we keep trying, keep working those spiritual muscles, we will get there.

“Hope is being able to see that there is light despite the darkness.” Desmond Tutu

I am a long ways out from the trauma I experienced. But I remember so clearly the early moments that began to take me to healing. Brushing my teeth when I got home from the Emergency Room. It was so simple, but I remember finding it oddly comforting. It was something daily, something I could count on. I thought maybe, just maybe the world will go on. I remember the first time after being assaulted that I had a big laugh. It was probably a month later, and it was so life affirming. I could feel my body, mind and spirit remembering what this was. This laughter, it was joy and happiness and enjoyment. The world will go on. I will go on.

I remember the first time I woke up and I had actually slept through the night. Since I had been attacked by an intruder in my own bed as I peacefully slept, sleep eluded me for many, many months. I didn’t use sleep aids because, of course, I had to be vigilant at night. As weeks went by and lack of sleep began affecting my ability to function during the day, I knew something had to change. Eventually I moved into a house with several roommates so I was rarely home alone. But still, nights were the bane of my existence.

“Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You” Psalm 56:3

Ultimately, prayer helped. I would just pray until I fell asleep. If I woke up, I would check my surroundings, make sure I was safe, and pray again until I fell asleep. And then it happened. One night I fell asleep praying, and when I woke up, it was morning. The sun was up! I had slept through the night. Ah yes! That’s what it feels like! My body, mind and spirit had to feel that again, so I could remember it, so I could recreate it. From that night on, I could sleep. Of course, it’s been a long road. There are still times I battle those memories, times my mind is stuck on replay and I have to work hard to move the needle. There are still nights I have trouble getting to sleep, but I start to pray, and remind myself that I know how to do this.

Our healing is a matter of practice. We practice forgiveness, we practice trust, we practice getting up and facing the day. We practice healing. Those around us don’t know how hard we are working. Not only is it sometimes a miracle that we showed up, we are running a marathon! But that one day, when we sleep through the night, or go an entire day without thinking about IT, all the practice is worth it. We feel it. We remember what it feels like in this new normal. The world will go on. We will go on. And hopefully, we will thrive.

Have faith, have courage, acknowledge your persistent drive to heal, and give yourself rest.

You are Still Beloved.

Victoria McGee

May 29, 2017