Tag: mindfulness

Staying Centered in Times of Chaos

by Victoria McGee, posted in Uncategorized

“Respond from the center of the hurricane,

Rather than reacting from the chaos of the storm.” – George Mumford

Full disclosure, I’m writing this piece today for myself. Because I know these things; I have many tools at my disposal to keep me sane and grounded in these times, but on the days it’s all just too overwhelming I will forget my tools, or distract myself, or get sucked into despair and/or anger. So I need to remind myself how to stay centered, grounded and connected with Spirit in these challenging times.

Of course, base camp is meditation or prayer, whatever brings you into space with your soul, higher consciousness, the Universe, God, the Beloved. Get yourself daily to a quiet, private place, even if it’s in your mind. Here is where we can be soothed, and remember we are part of something much bigger than the latest headline. Here we can empty our mind of the input of the world, and open it to receive the input of Spirit. Here is where we can surrender, lay our worries and fear on the table, and receive comfort. Here is where we can truly BREATHE.

“A long, deep breath is the equivalent of a full stop

and the key to centering.” – Eric Maisel

Don’t underestimate the power of the breath.  As we center, employing a breathing practice that uses deep, belly breaths signals our parasympathetic nervous system that it’s safe to relax. Regulated breathing stimulates the vagus nerve which lowers your stress responses. With practice, quieting the mind, tuning in to Spirit, and deep breathing can return you to a state of centeredness within minutes. Keeping a regular practice can be difficult with the distractions all around us, but the more often we practice, the quicker we can return to a state of calm when we really need it!

Another tool I need to remember is to ask myself, what do I really have control over? Today, in this moment, what is in my control? As ego-minded as we tend to be, when reduced to this question, it can be difficult to realize we have very little control or power over many of the things we are upset about. This doesn’t mean we are powerless, but it does mean to put our energies where we can truly make a difference.

What IS in my control is how I treat myself and others. I’ve been making a conscious effort to exchange greetings with people I see as I go about my daily life. In these derisive times, connection is vital. Compassion is everything. A kind word, a compliment, even a smile, can create a moment of positive energy, of love energy, that stitches up a bit of the torn fabric our society has become. This I can control. This I where I can see evidence of change. This is where I restore my faith in humanity. I find the smallest attempt at connection elicits such warm, human responses!

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” ~ Plato

I’ve always loved this quote, mainly because it’s true. As they say, if you scratch the surface of literally anyone, you’ll find wounds and scars and much more in common than the differences a lot of social media wants us to focus on. So yes, take control over daily interactions and CONNECT.

“All right,” you say, “but I can’t be an ostrich, or a Pollyanna, or a guru on a mountaintop, I have to live and deal with this reality. We are living is a time of great upheaval and chaos, and it would be irresponsible and ignorant of me to not be informed.” I get it. How do we engage without being engulfed? The answer, of course, is that we have to limit our input. Choose one or two sources for information that you can truly trust, and shut down or shut off everything else. If your feed is full of inflammatory rhetoric, unfollow those sites so they’re not thrust on you, but you can check them out when you choose to. Same with friends who may post constant chaos. As with any diet, take control of what you’re feeding yourself!

I try to be like a dragonfly. Have you watched a dragonfly near water? They flit around, living their life, then occasionally dip in for water. If they constantly sat on the water drinking, they would get too heavy and drown! They take a sip, then take off. I’m trying to do that with the news. Dip in, see what’s up, then take off so I don’t drown.

And yes, we must also be active participants in our society. If we feel moved to speak out or resist or protest, we must do it! But how much better if we can do it from a place of centeredness, a heart of kindness, and a balanced mind? These times call for an army of grounded, spirit filled warriors. Lead with compassion. Lead with connection. Lead with love.

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that.

Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

Meet me in the eye of the hurricane, and let’s make good trouble.

Victoria McGee

4/13/25

The Tao of “OK”

by Victoria McGee, posted in Buddha, choosing peace, healing, self-improvement, spirituality, Uncategorized

Image by Lee from Pixabay

            You better sit down. I’m going to tell you one of the great secrets of life. There is a way to not be constantly arguing or in a state of dis-ease with others. There is a way to be in the world without feeling like you have to be ready for a battle at any time. It’s the Tao of “OK.” Here is how I learned it.

I had a mother who was always right. Even when she was wrong. There was no arguing with her. So, as a young adult, I began to develop the Tao of “OK.” In Buddhist teachings, the Tao is the path, the way, and I’ve found throughout my life, sometimes it is the only way.

            This began when my mother was talking to a relative about two major teenage illnesses I’d had. Mononucleosis and the Hong Kong Flu. She said I had Mono in 12th grade and the Hong Kong Flu in 9th grade. She had it backwards, which I knew because I was the one who was sick and I distinctly remember being teased in 9th grade for having the “kissing disease!” I spoke up and made the correction, but my mother insisted she was right. We went back and forth a few times, then I simply said, “OK.” She didn’t know how to respond to that! She gave me a look that said, I know you still think you’re right, but you’re not, and we both just moved on.

            Wow! I understood in that moment that we could both be right in our separate versions of reality! I didn’t have to convince her of anything (nor could I if I tried), and likewise, she let go of convincing me that she was right. It went back to the old adage, “Would you rather be right or happy?” I’d rather be happy – 100% of the time. Admittedly, this was a small thing for us to argue about, but I’ve found throughout my life that the Tao of OK can be applied to many situations.

            This is not to say there are times when we absolutely need to voice our opinions, beliefs, and moral stance for the sake of critical discourse and discussion. This is to say that it’s important to know your audience, pick your battles, and put your relationships and peace of mind first. (Admittedly, there’s a chance that just answering with “OK” could infuriate the other party if they’re itching for an argument, but I’ve found that much of the time it works to diffuse minor disagreements.) My husband knows when I say, “OK” it means I still think I’m right, but it’s really not worth feeling discord in the marriage about it! Let’s just move past it. And now he does it too!

            It’s difficult in today’s world with social media and texting to always know what is really being said. People feel free to make rude or disparaging comments on social media when we express an opinion they disagree with. Here again, it’s sometimes useful to just say OK and get on with your life. You’re not likely to change their mind, nor are they likely to change yours. The need to be right is always ego-driven, not spirit-driven.

            Politics and religion are two areas people tend to not budge on. These arguments can get ugly very quickly, often devolving into personal attack. If someone attacks you or your family personally, by all means, stick up for yourself, but otherwise, is it worth sacrificing your peace of mind to make a point to someone whose beliefs are firmly entrenched? Again, I’d rather be happy and let them go their own way. In philosophy, the best arguments are those that allow for the principle of intellectual humility, understanding that even one’s most cherished beliefs could be better supported or improved. This is not the norm on social media! So pick your battles.

            Spiritually, the Tao of OK helps me remain peaceful and loving. I really loved my mom, and she loved me, with all our quirks and differing beliefs. We knew when to back down from each other, let the other person have their own beliefs, and be at peace with that. I use this with my husband and now my grown son. You’ll never agree on absolutely everything with everyone in your life. So why not choose to value your close relationships and value your peace of mind above everything? Utilize the Tao of OK, and let it be. It really is one of the great secrets of life!

Victoria McGee

12/11/2023

Who Will Save Me?

by Victoria McGee, posted in A Course in Miracles, Buddha, domestic violence, grief, healing, military rape, PTSD, rape, recovery, spirituality, trauma

“Nothing outside of yourself can save you; nothing outside yourself can give you peace.” ~ ACIM Workbook 118

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Truly the Divine is not a place, not inside you or outside you, but everywhere. The Course in Miracles is saying don’t look to things outside yourself for the healing and peace of mind you need. Spiritual teachings assure us that we already have everything we need to heal ourselves.

Our problem is we have all this other stuff.

We humans are so good at distracting ourselves, especially in this day and age. We are surrounded by distractions from phones, TV, the Internet, a million available apps, people, work, etc. It’s a bottomless pit. Never before in history has it been so easy to distract ourselves.

What is the danger of this distraction for those of us with PTSD? Sometimes it feels so good to just numb out and put mindless stuff into our mind, instead of the haunting thoughts. Our minds, left unattended, often drift to unwanted memories. I admit, I still do this sometimes. Sometimes I just don’t want to “think” any more! Sometimes numbing out is the right prescription for the moment. As long as it doesn’t become a crutch, or a frequent tool for avoidance. Balance is always key.

Keep this in mind always, “Nothing outside of yourself can save you; nothing outside of yourself can give you peace.”

When we constantly look outside ourselves for our healing, for our relief, we are actually impeding healing.

Of course, I’m not talking about therapy because good and valuable therapy should lead you to healing yourself anyway. I’m talking about the dangers of putting the burden of your healing on other people, or things or events.

“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.”                           -~ Buddha

When you place the burden of your healing on your love relationship, a friend, or a family member, it only delays your healing. It’s as if you’re climbing a mountain and you give your pack to your companion, who is carrying his or her own as well. Eventually, they give out under the weight and you end up with your own pack again. But your path is slower because your companion is weakened, and probably resentful, that you gave them such a burden. These people who love you will help you on your path, and catch you when you stumble, but placing your burden on them will only weaken the relationship.

When you place the burden of your healing on things, you are activating a dangerous portion of your brain. There is a place in our minds that believes we can make ourselves feel better if we only buy this thing, look at that thing, go to this event, drink this, eat that, get high, stay busy!!!! It’s part of the instant gratification neurology of the brain. It’s understandable. It’s a PTSD warrior saying “I want to feel better now!”

Scientists used to think people who could delay gratification were simply more patient people. However, here’s some interesting information about that from a recent article in Scientific American, by Melanie Bauer.

“A recent study by a team of researchers at Washington University in St.   Louis found that when people waited for a reward, patient people were seen—through the lens of a functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) machine—imagining the future.”

Is it possible that people who have been through trauma, or suffer from PTSD, have trouble imagining the future? This rang true for me. There is a part of you with new wisdom that realizes life as you know it can change in an instant. So live for the moment.

But we know how shallow that instant gratification is, right? Or we wouldn’t have to keep doing it. We keep trying to fill the same hole. Placing the burden of your healing on things, is like playing Jenga. That tower will come down, and you will ultimately be left with yourself again.

So, who will save you? You. God cannot save you until you invite God in. Once God is in you, then God is you, and you are God. Feel that. How joyful to know it is available in any instant of your life.

Trust me on this. When you are silent, and not distracted, and close your eyes, and sincerely invite God into your heart and mind, the tools for your healing will present themselves. It is as inevitable as the tide. Nothing, nothing outside yourself can give you peace.

“Be silent. Only the hand of God can remove the burdens of your heart.” ~ Rumi

You are Still Beloved.

Victoria McGee

1/24/16

TRAUMA & RESTORING FAITH

by Victoria McGee, posted in A Course in Miracles, childhood abuse, compassionate action, domestic violence, faith, grief, healing, Judith Herman, MD, military rape, Mindfulness, Oneness, PTSD, Ram Dass, rape, recovery, self-improvement, spirituality, trauma, Uncategorized

“Faith is not a belief. Faith is what is left when your beliefs have all been blown to hell.”
~ Ram Dass

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All who have survived trauma know well the feeling of the broken spirit. The loss of faith that comes with having your belief system ripped out from under you.

How can trauma survivors come to a place of restoring our faith? Our faith has been built over time as we live and construct in our minds the things we believe in. Trauma can shatter those beliefs in an instant.

In her amazing book, Trauma and Recovery, Judith Herman, M.D. addresses the issue of faith. She states “(Traumatic events…) violate the victim’s faith in a natural or divine order and cast the victim into a state of existential crisis. “

In other words, we begin to question everything we have come to know.

Herman goes on to state the depth of this loss of faith.

“In situations of terror, people spontaneously seek their first source of comfort and protection. Wounded soldiers and raped women cry for their mothers, or for God. When this cry is not answered, the sense of basic trust is shattered. Traumatized people feel utterly abandoned, utterly alone, cast out of the human and divine systems of care and protection that sustain life.”

Let’s re-read that last sentence: “…cast out of the human and divine systems of care and protection that sustain life.”

There is nothing more profoundly despairing than that feeling. To feel abandoned by the Divine is a trauma in itself and leads to the disconnection that is such a hallmark of PTSD. So how do we begin to rebuild our faith?

It is important to distinguish between faith and belief. Beliefs are products of our minds. They are decisions we have made, constructs we have formed to make sense of our world. We believe in God, in certain people, in certain relationships.

Faith is a product of the spirit. Faith is the abstract knowing that the Divine is constant. When there is a crack in that knowing, what can heal it? When there is a tear in the fabric of faith, what will mend it?

After 9/11 there was a wonderful quote by Mr. Rogers going around. His advice in times of extreme trauma was to “Look for the helpers.” This is a start in restoring our faith.

If you have survived a trauma, you were likely helped, if not immediately after, then soon after. Look at those helpers. For me it was kind police officers, a calm and soft-voiced trauma nurse, and my friends who came in the middle of the night without asking why I needed them, they just came. When I looked back on all that, it made a few stitches in my torn faith. I could trust the goodness of those people, and they had faith in me that I would survive this. It was a start.

Who were your helpers at the time of trauma? Who around you still holds you up?

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and rescues those who are crushed in spirit.”   ~ Psalm 34:18

Another way to restore your faith is to simply ask. Ask God to restore your faith. We can do nothing apart from God. We can’t restore our own faith by ourselves. Sit in quietness and solitude and ask. Gather with others and ask. God will begin to show you the constancy of Love. God will lead you beside still waters and restore your soul. You will begin to see examples of Divine Love that will make you smile, knowing it’s another stitch in your torn faith.

For me, the final step in restoring my faith was through service, and I wish I had come to it sooner. When you want to curl up in a ball and feel abandoned, take action instead. Get out of yourself and find a way to help others as soon as you feel able. It is like a salve to your wound. Compassionate action opens the way for the light to return. Imagine a sky that is all gray clouds, except for one hole where sunlight is breaking through. That is what service will do for your faith.

An added by-product of service is seeing your value in the world again. Sometimes trauma can leave us feeling powerless. Service restores our faith, not only in God, but in ourselves.

I leave you with this inspiration from Walt Whitman:

“The question, O me! so sad, recurring –

What good amid these, O me, O life?

Answer.

That you are here – that life exists, and identity;

That the powerful play goes on,

and you will contribute a verse.”

 

Have faith. You are Still Beloved.

 

Victoria McGee

11/29/2015

 

 

 

What’s in your Cloud?

by Victoria McGee, posted in A Course in Miracles, Buddha, childhood abuse, compassionate action, domestic violence, grief, healing, military rape, Mindfulness, Oneness, PTSD, rape, recovery, self-improvement, spirituality, trauma, Uncategorized

“Be miserable, or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice.”                                                                                                                                           – Wayne Dyer

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What are you storing in your cloud? What are you uploading? What are you downloading? How do these choices affect your life every day? How does it affect the next moment?

Long before the cyber age we’re living in, we all had a Cloud. We still do! The database we carry around, filled with thoughts, feelings, memories, plans for the future, hopes, and dreams. We call it our Mind.

Unlike the Cloud, which is just for accessing stored files, our Mind can also discern, choose, evaluate, create and invent! Those are the amazing gifts of our Mind.

But like the Cloud, we have the ability to choose which files we upload, and which files we download. This is an incredible choice and gives us full power over what we think about, and how we feel. Of course with great power comes great responsibility. (Peter Parker) So when we come to fully realize that only we have full power to engage our Cloud and focus on certain files, we can either celebrate in that knowledge, or cringe from its horror!

Some of us who struggle with PTSD have files that would horrify other people. Trauma that is our own personal heart of darkness. So every day we have this choice. Which files do we download? Which files do we keep in the Cloud, and for how long?

PTSD can feel like a broken record. The same files keep downloading. Even when we try to think about something else, to create something new and good, the old file shows up again. Where’s the pop-up blocker for the trauma thoughts?

Dr. Wayne Dyer said, “Initiate a habit of choosing thoughts and ideas that support feeling good and powerful and elevate you to a higher level of consciousness.”

Who wouldn’t do that if they could? Ah, but you can, grasshopper. The key word is habit!

Too often we feel helpless to these intrusive files. But the more often we practice not reacting to them, but calmly saying, “Not now,” and sending them back to the Cloud, the easier it gets, and the less they “pop up.” It takes practice. Mind practice.

Have you ever had the cascading pop-ups on your computer screen? That’s what those intrusive thoughts can feel like. And what do we do when that happens? We usually have to re-start. Same with our Mind. Re-start, and then install an anti-virus.

For me, the anti-virus is God. I could not control these thoughts, my Mind, the Cloud, without calling on God’s strength, mercy and grace. For if I cannot love these thoughts away, God can. Only the thoughts of God can “elevate you to a higher level of consciousness.”

The more of the strength and faith in the Divine I can upload into my Cloud, the more power I have over negative downloads.

Of course the negative files exist, and there are times and places they need to be downloaded and dealt with, but it needs to be of MY choosing, not random.

There are also times the negative files will keep popping up because we need to deal with something. Often, it’s when we need to do the next healing step, and that’s okay. Just listen to your instinct. You will know when the pop-ups are unnecessary, and when it’s time for an “operating system update.”

The choice is always ours. Even when it doesn’t feel like it, just try it! Own it. Choose it.

A Course in Miracles sums this up beautifully:

“And so again we make the only choice that ever can be made; we choose between illusions and the truth, or pain and joy, or hell and Heaven. Let our gratitude unto our Teacher fill our hearts, as we are free to choose our joy instead of pain, our holiness in place of sin, the peace of God instead of conflict, and the light of Heaven for the darkness of the world.”                                                                                      -A Course in Miracles, Lesson 190

 

Never underestimate the power of your thoughts.

What are you uploading?

Keep throwing light on the darkness.

You are Still Beloved.

Victoria McGee

 

 

HOW BIG IS YOUR BRAVE?

by Victoria McGee, posted in A Course in Miracles, childhood abuse, compassionate action, domestic violence, healing, military rape, Mindfulness, PTSD, rape, recovery, self-improvement, spirituality, trauma, Uncategorized

When I first heard this lyric in the song “Brave” by Sara Bareilles, I was struck by what a profound question it is. How big is your brave?

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This week, as our hearts are turned to Paris and the traumatic events there, the idea of courage and bravery come up for all of us. We all have questions: What would I do in that situation? Are we living in a new normal? How big is my brave?

Trauma survivors know the answer to that. Wherever we are in our healing, we know we have survived what would be unthinkable for most people. If you are new in your healing process, that is enough to know. If you are well into your healing, you know the courage needed to heal is sometimes more than that of surviving the trauma. But you also know the well of courage is bottomless. Even if we lose courage one day, the next day we awaken ready to fight the good fight again.

A Course in Miracles states “there is no order of difficulty in miracles.” I often apply that thinking to trauma and healing. There is no order of difficulty in surviving trauma. If 100 people went through the exact same trauma, they would react and deal with it in 100 different ways. We bring into our trauma a set of beliefs, feelings, thought patterns, culture, and maturity that are uniquely ours. We can never say another person’s similar trauma is more or less difficult than our own.

There are traumas we can look at and know they are more harrowing and difficult to heal, yes. I’m talking about similar trauma. We have an unnecessary tendency to make comparisons. We need to remove all judgment from trauma healing. In a situation needing love, judgment is a profound lack of love.

If we follow this line of thinking, then there is no order of difficulty in courage. What it took for me to survive and heal from rape, was courageous for me. What it takes for you to survive and heal is courageous for you. Don’t play small in acknowledging your courage.

And for those days when your brave feels small, ask the Divine for strength. Ask the Divine to hold you up. I used to imagine sitting in the lap of the Divine and being rocked. It comforted me and gave me strength to go on. Sometimes the well “seems” dry. That is when we need to turn to God to fill it again, and rest in that Holy comfort.

As the initial coverage of the Paris attacks subside, we will start to be hear the small stories. The everyday people who became heroes for others. But we will most likely not hear the stories of the survivors and the witnesses to this violence who may have their own PTSD in the months ahead. They will have to become heroes to themselves as they heal. Join with me in asking God to be with them, and with the families of those whose lives were lost. Their brave IS big enough. My brave IS big enough. And when it isn’t, dip from the well of God’s immense and indefatigable LOVE.

“Everybody’s been there, everybody’s been stared down
By the enemy
Fallen for the fear and done some disappearing
Bow down to the mighty
Don’t run, stop holding your tongue
Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in

Show me how big your brave is~”     – Sara Bareilles

 

Victoria McGee

11/15/15

 

 

WE ARE ALL ONE. Wait, what?

by Victoria McGee, posted in A Course in Miracles, Buddha, childhood abuse, domestic violence, healing, Jr., military rape, Mindfulness, Oneness, PTSD, Ramana Maharshi, rape, recovery, self-improvement, spirituality, trauma, Uncategorized

 

Beyond the idea that we are not our bodies, that we are all spiritual beings having a human experience, is the radical idea that we are all one.

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For those of us who have suffered trauma, often at the hands of other beings, is there a way to wrap our minds around this spiritual tenet? How can I reach to that place beyond forgiveness to a state of seeing all beings as one? And most importantly, is it necessary for my healing?

 

I will go out on a limb up front here and say, yes, ultimately it is necessary for your healing, but it will probably be one of your final steps in courage and faith, as it takes a certain amount of diligence, mental and spiritual training and seeking, and the strange examples God will send you on your journey.

 

Why must we take this final step? Because to be truly healed, we must see others as God sees them. Not as beings in different degrees of worthiness, suffering, privilege, evil, or love. But in a state of acceptance for what is. Even “accepting” where someone else is on their path is a form of judgment.

 

Martin Luther King, Jr. understood this. In the face of horrific racism and the victimization of African-Americans, he saw that you cannot meet hate with hate.

He said, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness: Only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: Only love can do that.”

 

How does it serve the evolvement of my soul to hate the person who assaulted me? How does it serve the evolvement of your soul to hate your attacker, victimizer, ex-husband, enemy soldier? How does it serve the evolvement of the spiritual beings of our planet to meet hate with hate? It doesn’t. And the stakes are that high. We are all contributing to the vibrational energy of the planet with every thought, every word, every deed.

My soul needs your soul to heal. Your soul needs my soul to heal. The very hard work we are doing is not just for ourselves. It is to shine the light, to heal our souls, to diminish trauma on the planet.

 

All spiritual writings seem to hint at this vastness of beingness, the eternal IS, the I AM that encompasses all we are aware of. These writings also speak of an exponentially larger field or dimension we are not aware of, and probably can’t even comprehend. When I think of the vastness of God, of Love, of the Divine, I come back to asking “Who am I to judge?”

 

So, you ask, do I really think I am one with my attacker? Yes. Absolutely. Because on some level of spiritual existence, there is no separation.

I’m not a guru. I’m not a monk, or a nun, or a minister. But I am a warrior for spiritual healing, and when I truly pray for deliverance, and for peace of mind, and when I join my mind with the Divine, I DO get there.

I get to the place Rumi spoke of in his wonderful poem:

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field.

I’ll meet you there.

When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase “each other” doesn’t make any sense.”

 

This is a tough one. It’s a difficult concept for most people, but especially for those of us who have been victimized or terrorized in some way. But through prayer, meditation, service, and grace, we will be able to see with new eyes, and love with new hearts.

there are no others

You are Still Beloved.

Victoria McGee

11/8/2015