What Does God Think of You?

May 6, 2019 by Victoria McGee, posted in compassion, eckhart tolle, Hafiz, healing, Maya Angelou, Plato, PTSD, spirituality, trauma, Uncategorized

“Be kinder than necessary. For everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” ~ Plato

This often-quoted statement from Plato is such a wonderful reminder to us to try to be kind, always. It’s so true – if you scratch the surface of anyone you meet, you will find wounds and hurts. Some of us have deep battle scars that make us lash out at others or not behave as our highest self.

So compassion is key. None of us truly know the history or inner workings of anyone else. Not even loved ones we have spent decades with. We might know them well, but we can’t know how their deepest scars might affect their daily life. Compassion is key. We may not understand why someone is behaving a certain way or made choices we find confusing or even hurtful. But if we can remember that they have inner wounds and battles that are causing them to make these choices, we can find compassion.

It is sometimes (often) challenging to find compassion for others, especially people we don’t truly know. Our own loved ones are easier to have empathy for, as we have a better understanding of their battles. So it’s curious that we often have trouble finding compassion for ourselves.

“The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself.” ~ Maya Angelou

Maya Angelou hit the nail on the head. If we can overcome how we think about ourselves, we can soar! Our own self-condemnation, judgment, and doubt often obscure our ability to love ourselves. If we can truly overcome how we think about ourselves, we can find a freedom and sense of security in the world.

I’ve done a lot of work in my life in the field of self-esteem. I’ve worked on it for myself and with countless students as a counselor. Low self-esteem is a core issue for many, many people, formed often in childhood, reinforced by life events, and carried around inside us like a little alien, ready to pop out and ruin our day at the slightest whim! And we know, deep down, that it IS an alien – it doesn’t belong. Because we are beings of Light, children of God, purveyors of Love! That is our truth, but our thoughts, our ego mind, block our true vision.

“I found that there is only one thing that heals every problem and that is: to know how to love yourself.” ~ Louise Hay

Learning to love yourself and be compassionate toward yourself, and your great lumbering, mistake-filled life, is an ongoing process. A life-long process! But something I have found helpful is to try to see myself as God sees me. I try to imagine what God must think of me.

This could be scary to contemplate but think of it this way. If God is the Beloved, the Divine Spark, the profound Love of the Universe, God cannot help but see me with compassion and understanding and forgiveness. God, in this sense, truly is a parental presence.

If you have children you know this well. No matter what your children do as they grow, even as adults, you see that they are still learning and most often doing the best they can. Even when they make mistakes we continue to love them and help them right their sail again. We have compassion for them so easily because our heart is full of so much love for them and it is constant.

So it is with God. God’s love is so all-encompassing that compassion, understanding, and forgiveness are the natural state of God’s relationship to us. And if God is IN us and we are, indeed, God, or OF God, then that profound love for ourselves is available at all times, if we but ask.

“If you saw you as God sees you, you would smile a lot.” ~ Neale Donald Walsch

You have survived trauma in your life, you are healing, you are hurt, you make mistakes, you do things right, you seek help, you avoid help, you try to help others, you are sometimes selfish, you give too much love, you withhold love. You are human.

Now imagine this: God and all of your angels and guardians are amazed that you would choose to learn these lessons so profoundly and so deeply in this life. They are stunned by your courage. They wrap you in compassion nightly, hoping to heal you with enough light to carry you through the next day. God holds you constantly in the heart of Love, amazed at your determination to heal and give compassion to others. You are an astonishment!

So today, practice giving this compassion to yourself. Love yourself. Honor your growth. What does God think of you? God thinks you are a tender, growing soul, deserving of Good, fighting hard battles, and trying to grasp the extreme profundity of Love. Rest in that.

“I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness the astonishing light of your own being.” ~ Hafiz

You Are Still Beloved.

Victoria McGee

May 6, 2019

“You Are on the Fastest Route”

March 7, 2019 by Victoria McGee, posted in A Course in Miracles, Dalai Lama, eckhart tolle, faith, God, healing, Iyanla Vanzant, Marianne Williamson, spirituality, trauma, Trust, Uncategorized

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“It is worth remembering that the time of greatest gain in terms of wisdom and inner strength is often that of greatest difficulty.” ~ Dalai Lama

I have done a lot of driving lately with my car GPS turned on, helping me navigate and stay aware of what may lie ahead. Every time you head out on a new route, Siri politely assures you that, “You are on the fastest route.” In case we were thinking about a side street, or thinking we know better, Siri assures us it’s all under control. We can just sit back and drive.

Every time I hear that message I think of my spiritual life. There have been so many times in life when the lessons have come so fast and hard that I begged God for mercy, just a little breathing room, just a little time to REST. But I firmly believe this life is a large schoolyard where we are given lesson after lesson, as we are ready for them, in order to grow our souls. So I know that I am given what I can handle when I can handle it. Even when it doesn’t feel like it.

“The challenges we face in life are always lessons that serve our soul’s growth.” ~ Marianne Williamson

Lessons come at us in many forms. It can be a small, gentle reminder, or a painful trauma. I’ve observed the resulting growth is in direct proportion to the magnitude of the lesson. For example, if I’m having some kind of pity party, God will put in front of me someone who is much worse off – a reminder to be grateful and do what I can to help others. On the other hand, having survived a traumatic attack, the lessons contained in regaining my self, conquering crippling fear, gaining a deep understanding of forgiveness, and moving forward in life with courage and faith are lessons I could not have learned as quickly in any other way. My faith in this process is as much a part of me now as breathing.

“Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

I love this quote from Eckhart Tolle because it is so simple and straightforward and implies such trust in the unfolding of the Universe and our place in it! We are always on the fastest route if this is true. We cannot help but be in the right place at the right time.

Many times in the midst of an experience, especially something around loss, trauma or pain, we naturally don’t want to be there. We want it to end, to get better, or change in some way. This is a natural fight or flight response. It is only as we recover, as we heal and as we turn to God, that we can see the reasons things happened the way they did. The lessons are not apparent in the moment, only in reflection.

“Regardless of how hard, challenging, frightening, or difficult experiences may seem, everything is just as it needs to be in order for us to heal, grow and learn.” ~ Iyanla Vanzant

However much we may want to avoid the learning, or skip out on lessons, they are necessary for our growth. It’s only human to want to avoid pain – even Jesus asked that “this cup be taken from me.” But we know we must walk through the experience for a lesson to be fully realized and integrated.

We are on the fastest route – but how do we get through the moments of pain and challenge? Trust. It always comes down to Trust. Trust in the Strength of God to sustain you through life’s darkest hours. Trust that the path you are on is truly the fastest route to your enlightenment. Trust that God will send you people, places and pets that will serve to hold you up and heal you when needed. Trust in the mighty life force energy within you, trust that it is part of God, part of all the good in the Universe, and a force of Love.

“God never uses anyone greatly until he tests them deeply.” ~ A.W. Tozer

We must believe that a slower curriculum would not serve us, so let us try to trust every day that we are on the fastest route. And let’s buckle up – it has been and will continue to be a bumpy ride. Find good companions for the trip, and know God is behind the wheel.

You are Still Beloved.

Victoria McGee

March 7, 2019

CONSTANTLY TURNING TOWARD GOD

January 19, 2019January 18, 2019 by Victoria McGee, posted in A Course in Miracles, God, healing, Mahatma Gandhi, Marianne Williamson, meditation, prayer, PTSD, spirituality, trauma, Uncategorized

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“Prayer is the key of the morning and the bolt of the evening.” ~ Mahatma Gandhi

I love this quote from Gandhi, reminding us to open the day in prayer, and close it in prayer as well. This is something to take to heart, as it can guide the time in between rising and bedtime. But what happens in between? If you’re like me, I wander far from the path, I forget to pray and turn my mind, heart and thoughts to God. I enter the realm of business and worry. You too?

I was struck by this thought a couple of months ago. That I need to be constantly turning toward God. And yet daily, I catch myself trying to figure out a problem, worrying about a family member or friend’s health, making plans for the future, having regrets about the past, busying my mind with everything except the Divine. And I believe my ego mind wants it this way. The more it keeps me in a trance of fixing, judging and doing, the less likely I am to turn to God.

“God is the water, and you are the faucet.” ~ Marianne Williamson

When we naturally and instantaneously turn to God is when something literally “brings us to our knees.” A sudden death, illness or trauma shakes us to the core and we automatically ask God to come in, to comfort us, to bring healing to the situation. And we feel God then don’t we? We feel the comfort, the envelopment of God’s love that helps us raise our heads again and move forward. It is truly beautiful, even in the midst of a horrible moment.

For survivors of trauma, you would think turning toward God and calling on God every moment of every day would be like breathing. We must have it or we die. But we are MASTERS of distraction! I noticed this in my life so clearly. When a trauma occurs, I fall to my knees, I bring God in, I pray without ceasing. But as days go by it becomes clear I can’t drop out of life (like I want to). I have to continue with jobs and groceries and living, so I developed the marvelous coping skill of distraction. I dare say that in most of us, this skill is over-developed!

And we need to forgive ourselves for bending toward distraction. How else can we sleep at night, when our mind, left unchecked, will play reruns of our trauma on a loop? How else can we check out at the grocery store when a magazine headline has triggered us and we suddenly want to cry? How else can we make small talk when such shallow actions make us want to scream? We distract ourselves with activities, thoughts, plans and MAKE our minds think of something else. It’s a survival skill, but at what cost?

“Meditation goes in. Prayer goes out. But they both aim for the same place of union between you and the Divine.” ~ Lisa Jones

Hopefully, eventually, we learn to distract our minds with God again. We learn that these thoughts are not just a distraction, but they are a point of focus that can heal us. We learn that we can place ourselves in the light by simply turning toward God. Like all good habits, it takes practice and vigilance. But beyond that, it takes a deep knowing that this IS what will save you. God’s light. God’s love. God’s grace. Meditate on it and feel it within. Pray to God and send it out. Then rest in the knowledge that within and without are the same place. And that place is God.

“It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.” ~ Aristotle

We move forward in life, our little wounded selves rallying every day to see what can happen, what good we can do, what love we can share. We truly are so brave. Let us try every day to keep turning toward God. Constantly. For that is where we will find peace. That is where we will find light. Find a mantra, a verse, a quote, anything that will take you out of your busy monkey mind and bring you back to God. For a moment. And then another. And then another.

“Don’t worry about anything; instead pray about everything.” ~ Philippians 4:6

You are Still Beloved.

Victoria McGee

January 18, 2019

Sharing an insightful poem

October 18, 2018 by Victoria McGee, posted in faith, forgiveness, God, grief, healing, PTSD, spirituality, trauma, Uncategorized

I came across this poem called “Angry at God” and thought it would be helpful to many of us who have been through all kinds of trauma. It was written by Pastor Steve Garnaas-Holmes. His website is http://www.unfoldinglight.net.

Angry at God

My complaint is bitter;
God’s hand is heavy despite my groaning.
… I would lay my case before God,
and fill my mouth with arguments.
… But on the left God hides, and I cannot behold God;
I turn to the right, but I see nothing.
—Job 23.2, 4, 9

How could God let terrible things happen?
OK, get it out. Say it.
God, you’re a failure.

God can take it.
They’ve heard worse.

Now, what do you mean “let things happen?”
Should there be no suffering? No mistakes? No freedom?
Should God control every little thing?
No? Only the ones you choose?
Or by some obscure formula?
Only if you’re good enough, or pray right?
Please, don’t go there.

Stuff happens. Germs happen. Earthquakes happen.
Evil happens. People who hurt do awful things.
You know, don’t you, God does do something about that.
God has sent you to heal, to do justice.

But who do you think God is anyway? Some guy?
God is not a person. God is Love.
Not just a loving person, but Love Itself.
The Divine Energy, the Heart of All Things,
not some guy at a control panel.
Love manipulates nothing but changes everything.
Love is the gravity, the light, the Oneness,
the air in which everything unfolds.
Even loss. Even evil.
Your very anger at God is God, loving, longing.

When you look and can’t find God
you’re looking for a guy.
Stop. Look for Love.
Love isn’t “somewhere.” Love is,
weeping, singing, pouring forth in the darkness.
Let even your rage be love.
Let go of complaining about the darkness,
and let the light pour.

—October 9, 2018

We Who are Never Not Broken

September 9, 2018October 17, 2019 by Victoria McGee, posted in Adyashanti, Buddha, faith, God, grief, healing, PTSD, rape, spirituality, trauma

“Between each wrinkle is a warrior, wounded but willing to show up. Underneath scars are soldiers fighting struggle and stigma. Life’s battles mark us, yet build us.” ~Dan Phillips

Years ago, I was trying to offer counsel to a young man who had returned from the war in Afghanistan and was suffering from PTSD. His life was upside down, and treatment felt extremely slow to him. He desperately wanted me to give him a time frame for when he would feel better. He asked me how long it would take to feel normal again.

I didn’t have the words then to tell him he would never feel “normal” again, but that would be okay. His experience and his healing would integrate into a new normal if he kept up with treatment and focused on the process of healing, rather than the outcome. I did tell him healing was different for everyone and impossible to put a time frame on; so keep going to therapy, keep working at healing, and ask for God’s help. I often wonder how he is doing.

I thought of him recently when I learned about a Hindu goddess called Akhilandeshwari. Translated from Sanskrit, her name is commonly referred to as “she who is never not broken.” Akhilanda means never not broken. Eshvari refers to a supreme ruler. It is understood among her believers that the brokenness is exactly what makes Akhilandeshwari strong. She is depicted as riding a crocodile across a lake, a symbol of not only conquering fear, but using it to get to the next stage.

As soon as I read about this goddess, it resonated with me. Yes, I am never not broken. A part of me will always feel broken as trauma’s wounds are deep, cutting to the core of our being. However, that wound is exactly what makes me a warrior, a writer, a healer, and a messenger. The brokenness gives me my power. The wound sent me deeper to God.

“God uses our wounds in beautiful ways, to heal our souls of deeper maladies.”

~ Jennifer Clarke

I invite you to take a moment to try to shift your thoughts about this trauma, this wound you carry. First, acknowledge that it will always be with you, it is always part of you. You may not think of it very often, or you may still be newly healing and it is ever-present. I invite you to accept it as part of you, rather than wishing it away. Accept that it is as much a part of you as your heart or lungs. It just is.

Now take a deep breath as you allow this wound to be part of you. Feel a softening around the trauma, and your thoughts about it. Honor the healing you’ve already done and feel the tremendous power around that. The power and wisdom you’re gaining could not have come about any other way. Only through the healing of the wound.

Take another deep breath and as you exhale feel the marriage of these thoughts.

I am never not broken.

This means I am always healing.

This means I am building strength and faith and power

beyond who I was before.

This simple exercise can help us acknowledge our wound, and start to see the gifts in it. Just as mending an object often makes it stronger than before, so mending our wounds makes us stronger than before.

“A really strong woman accepts the war she went through and is ennobled by her scars.” ~ Carly Simon

Part of healing trauma and PTSD is, of course, effective therapy. If your trauma is fresh (or if it is old and you never really looked at it), you need therapy to truly deal with it. I can’t stress this enough. My purpose is simply to give you spiritual tools with different ways of looking at your trauma, to invite God in to your healing process.

Let us march forward as “we who are never not broken” knowing that is what empowers us, for the best healers are those who have been healed. We are an army of faith and love.

“Don’t moan that you’re broken, be happy that you can break so that you can continuously remake yourself.” ~ Shivali Bhammer

You are Still Beloved.

Victoria McGee

September 9, 2018

Being At Peace with the Past

July 24, 2018July 25, 2018 by Victoria McGee, posted in Brene Brown, Dr. Wayne Dyer, God, healing, PTSD, Ram Dass, rape, trauma, Uncategorized

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“If you don’t make peace with your past, it will keep showing up in your present.” ~ Wayne Dyer

Making peace with the past, with our memories, is such a crucial factor in healing. Being able to look back somewhat objectively at traumatic events in our past is something we strive for. We don’t always get there, but we keep trying. To be able to say without upset, “Yes, that happened. But now I am here,” is empowering and affirming.

Recently, I moved back to the state where I lived during my 20s. I am within driving distance from where I lived when I was sexually assaulted. Recently, I had occasion to be in that neighborhood, near that apartment. I had not been by it in 35 years. When I moved out, I never went back, needing to stay away from it. I wondered how it would impact me to see it again after all this time. So I drove by.

Why did I feel compelled to do this? I wasn’t looking for drama or to be triggered. It has been a very long time. I think I was simply curious. How would it compare to my memory? How would I feel seeing it?

I knew the name of the street but didn’t remember the address, only the general area. I drove straight to it like no time had passed. I found the building, looking much the same as it did 3 decades ago, and drove down the little alley that ran alongside the bottom floor apartments. I found my old apartment and drove by slowly, seeing the interior in my mind as I did so. The porch was filled with belongings of the current resident, bicycles and boogie boards. But it looked much the same.

And I felt…nothing. I think I had been expecting some kind of emotional reaction, but I truly just felt a little curious and very objective. As I made my long drive home, I wondered why I was so unaffected by seeing the apartment. It has been a long time, and I’ve done SO much work to heal what happened there. But the greater truth I came upon is realizing that the trauma isn’t part of the building. It’s only part of me.

The gift God gave me that day was truly seeing how we make associations and assign feelings to places and time periods that are not actually part of that place or time. The associations and feelings don’t exist apart from us. We truly carry it all with us; the good and the bad.

“When we deny our stories, they define us. When we own our stories, we get to write the ending.” ~ Brene Brown

The building is just a building. It holds whatever memory or feeling I assign to it. I don’t need the building to be triggered, or feel sad or scared. I can conjure that up on my own with a single thought, wherever I am in time and space. The boogieman doesn’t live there, he lives in my mind and memory. Much like a childhood home can hold triggers and memories both good and bad, those feelings aren’t part of the house – we carry them with us throughout our life.

A building can only hold what I give it. I see now that I had nothing left to put on that building. Nothing. And though I know I’m fully healed, this was even more evidence to me. If you’re struggling with healing from trauma, I hope this gives you hope. There will come a day when you are objective and curious and grateful and know that you are fully healed.

“Everything changes once we identify with being the witness to the story, instead of the actor in it.” ~ Ram Dass

I also don’t mean to take away from those of us who do need to revisit a place to make peace with it or find closure of some kind. Our healing processes are so unique to each of us individually, so I completely validate the need one may have to return to a location to move the healing along. Because looking at a past event can be like looking through a lens that is out of focus. A bit dim, blurry, with little detail. But in physically revisiting, we can pull the memory into focus, see it more clearly, and take another step in healing.

Where are your memories? Where do you need to make peace with the past? The gift we are given is the knowledge we can do that anywhere. We don’t have to go to the place or sit in a building, for it’s all within us; the past and the tools to heal it. When we ask the Divine for guidance we will be led to a place of healing and wholeness, and that place is within.

You are Still Beloved.

Victoria McGee

7/24/18

Releasing Emotions in the Body

June 30, 2018July 2, 2018 by Victoria McGee, posted in Adyashanti, Anne Lamott, faith, grief, healing, love, PTSD, rape, Rumi, spirituality, trauma

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“The body is the most reliable truth meter.” ~ Adyashanti

Recently, I found myself in tears during a yoga class. It was near the end, and as I tried to keep my face down and roll up my mat, I felt the teacher come and stand near me, lending supportive energy as she chatted with another student. I knew she had noticed my upset and probably recognized it for what it was – a healthy release!

As the teacher had recently explained, certain poses, especially hip openers, can release emotions we’ve been holding onto. Fear, trauma, grief, anxiety, depression – all these murky feelings get stuffed down from our eyes when we do not cry, our throats when we do not scream, our hearts when they are broken, and settle in our hips.

That day, I was overwhelmed with grief about my father, who passed nine months ago. So although I understand the stages of grief will go on for a while, and the feelings of sadness were not daily anymore, my body released more grief in that class, and I felt better because of it.

Yoga teachers and massage therapists will tell you they see this all the time. Our bodies are silos, storing all of our past experiences and present worries. When we are able to find ways to release, in supportive environments, we let go of some of that stored “grain.” Combining physical attunement with a more neutral, relaxed mental state allows these emotions to be liberated.

“If we do not work on all three levels – body, feeling, mind – the symptoms of our distress will keep returning, as the body goes on repeating the story stored in its cells until it is finally listened to and understood.” ~ Alice Miller

In this quote, Alice Miller is expressing what science is coming to understand. Peter Levine, Ph.D. (In An Unspoken Voice), and Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D. (The Body Keeps the Score) research, explore and write about the evidence that much of our trauma is held in our bodies, and with this knowledge lies hope for releasing it as well!

Just think about how much we hold in. We are taught from a young age to hold. We hold onto uncomfortable emotions caused by abuses and traumas we suffer as children, showing the world a face that says everything is okay. We hold it together as we grow, facing cruelty at school, disappointments and broken hearts. We hold our breath, sometimes not daring to breathe deeply out of fear or sorrow, sometimes not breathing at all if the terror or grief is too great. We hold still, not wanting to call attention to what we see is our broken self. We hold back tears – so many tears that we are certain we would drown those around us if we let them go.

A law of physics would tell us that this holding has to release at some point. And we see it around us in all its unhealthy forms – illness (turning it inward) and violence (turning outward). The challenge then, for us, is to find healthy ways to release it from our physical being.

Yoga, massage, reiki, and other forms of healing are effective but can be costly. You can also find release in a soothing bath, an intense workout, vigorous dancing, tactile art, or a project that requires physical exertion. There are many ways to loosen what you are holding onto. Find what feels right for you, and know that different kinds of emotions may need different kinds of release.

“The cure for the pain is in the pain.” ~ Rumi

When it comes to releasing what we are holding onto, we must also allow ourselves to be held where it is safe. If you have a supportive partner, let that person hold you while you cry and release. Being held by the right person for the right purpose is profoundly healing.

And most importantly, in your own private space allow yourself to be held in God’s love, wrapped up in Divine comfort, and sink down into that place where only Love exists, and let go. God will hold you, God will hold space with you for all those feelings and God will eventually help you up.

“Love falls to earth, rises from the ground, pools around the afflicted. Love pulls people back to their feet. Bodies and souls are fed. Bones and lives heal. New blades of grass grown from charred soil. The sun rises.” ~ Anne Lamott

You are Still Beloved.

Victoria McGee

June 29, 2018

Radical Acceptance

April 28, 2018 by Victoria McGee, posted in faith, forgiveness, God, grounding, healing, henri nouwen, PTSD, rape, tara brach, trauma, Uncategorized

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“Radical acceptance is the willingness to experience ourselves and our lives as it is.” ~ Tara Brach

In searching for images and quotes for this blog, I recently came across this photo – barbed wire with a tree growing around it. I resonated with it immediately. Because the sufferings of life become part of us, don’t they? Our pain, our trauma, our PTSD, our grief – healing doesn’t mean it goes away, it means we learn how to grow with it and in spite of it.

Like the tree, we are impelled to grow. The tree continues to grow in spite of everything that happens to it, short of being cut down. So do we, hopefully, continue to grow in spite of what happens to us. We have a choice, of course. We can stop where the barbed wire entered our life, we can remain stuck there, allowing it to twist our trunk and ignore or delay healing. Or we can accept that barbed wire, feel the full effects of it, and figure out how the very act of acceptance helps us grow stronger.

“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.” ~ Haruki Murakami

Trees, especially old trees, are just so solid, so fierce and stately. If I think of myself as a tree, I see all the elements of growth that I also need.

Deep roots: I need the deep roots of grounding myself daily. Connecting myself to the earth, to the solid ground under me, so my mind doesn’t take off running to scary places. When I place myself in a grounded state, I am tree-like. I can bend with the wind without losing my footing. I stand firmly within myself. I feel the solid support of God and Mother Earth holding me up and anchoring me down. Fierce. Stately.

Water: I need nourishment to those roots so I can grow. Nourishment comes in the form of self-care, love, friends, and daily connection to the Divine through prayer and meditation. When I “water” myself, I grow, I heal. It seeps up through every cell and connects me to myself, to others, and to God. I am nourished. I am fed.

Air: Did you know there’s a photosynthesis of the soul? We breathe in faith, (you sometimes can’t see it, but breathe it in anyway), and breathe out doubt and fear. God is the oxygen we need to heal and to grow. Breathe in Divine air, breathe out the toxins we keep inside. And like carbon dioxide, God will take those toxins and transform them into more oxygen, more healing. We must keep breathing and breathe deeply!

Light: The tree needs the sun as we need God’s light. But rather than shining down on us, we find it by looking within. When we ignite that light within, it warms us and puts a balm on our wounds. When we ignite that light within, it speeds us on our healing path. Miraculously, when we ignite that light within, it shines out and warms those around us.

New Growth: Each time I reach a new place of healing, a new level of forgiveness, I feel a new branch grow. I feel leaves sprouting forth. As I encompass, envelop and send love to the barbed wire, I swell toward the sky, branches reaching up, drinking in the sun, arms open to receive God’s gifts. When we invite God on our healing path, new growth is inevitable, and we expand in our own individual way because of the wound, because of the barbed wire. Fierce. Stately.

“When we become aware that we do not have to escape our pains, but that we can mobilize them into a common search for life, those very pains are transformed from expressions of despair into signs of hope.” ~ Henri Nouwen

So let’s be this tree today. Let’s use and honor these elements of deep roots, water, air, light and new growth. Wounded with barbed wire, but accepting that it’s part of us.

It’s a thorny pain, and sometimes it still hurts, but it’s part of our path and the choices we have and will make. I own this barbed wire. I am who I am because of it, and for that I am grateful. It has made me turn to God over and over, grow in faith and forgiveness, and it has made me fierce and stately.

You are Still Beloved.

Victoria McGee

04/28/2018

Ground Your Self

March 19, 2018March 22, 2018 by Victoria McGee, posted in faith, grounding, healing, PTSD, rape, spirituality, thoreau, trauma

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“Ground yourself. Strip yourself down, to blind loving silence.” ~ Rumi

Last week I was fortunate enough to be at a retreat where a yoga teacher reminded us all about the importance of grounding! I have to admit, I had let this area of healing work slip and it was truly an “A-ha” moment and a wake up call.

I thanked the teacher afterward and shared that I truly realized how my healing is usually focused above me, around me, and within me. I seek God above me, in the people and teachings around me, and I look within. I haven’t been remembering to include that which is below me! Spiritually and literally, that is where we find support, by connecting with the earth and allowing it to heal us with energy and balance.

Grounding can be challenging for survivors of trauma. We are very drawn to be in our heads, where we can logically make sense of things, think about our feelings (rather than feel them), and kind of float above the world that has hurt us. So we need to be extremely aware of the need for grounding. Grounding in connection with meditation and nature, has become a valuable tool in the healing of trauma.

“Heaven is under our feet as well as over our heads.” ~ Henry David Thoreau

Grounding is a way of connecting our bodies to the earth. There are many ways to achieve it: meditation, mindfulness, prayer, walking, sitting, being outside, being inside. The action of grounding is really simply a shift in awareness. We shift our thoughts and presence from our heads to our body, to the ground. We feel the solid earth beneath us. We are aware of the strength of the chair or mat that supports us. We draw up the limitless energy from the earth and let it infuse our body and soul with its gentle power.

Because we live in houses and work in buildings and drive cars, it’s more important than ever to take the time to get outside, take off our shoes, feel the ground, get some mud or sand between our toes, and connect to the earth. For people with PTSD, this has been found to be extremely healing, helping us feel safe in our bodies, safe on the earth, and more balanced within.

When we are ungrounded, we may feel scattered, unfocused, anxious and unsafe. We may even feel a bit disconnected from our bodies at times, like we’re moving forward, but a part of ourselves is always a second behind, trying to catch up. Finding some time and space to sit and connect with the earth will help center us, help us tame unnecessary thoughts and find the balance we so desperately need.

“Let your roots grow down into God, and let your lives be built of God. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.” ~ Colossians 2:7

The Bible, along with other teachings, has many references to rooting ourselves in faith. Rooting ourselves to the ground, like a tree, gives us a place to grow from. Rooting ourselves gives us a strong base, so that the winds of change and hardship cannot blow us down so easily. Rooting ourselves helps us stay centered in the Divine, pulling up that energy and being a conduit for sharing it with others.

So I invite you to go outside, or go into your body, find a place to connect with the ground and really feel it. Grab a handful of dirt, thank the earth for its gifts, and feel the profound support of God solidly underneath you. Feel the healing love of God through the ground.

“Forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair.” ~ Kahlil Gibran

You are Still Beloved.

Victoria McGee

March 19, 2018

Honor Your Hard Healing Work

March 5, 2018 by Victoria McGee, posted in Brene Brown, God, healing, Jesus, Maya Angelou, PTSD, Ram Dass, recovery, Sharon Salzberg, spirituality, trauma, Uncategorized

“As long as you have certain desires about how it ought to be, you can’t see how it is.” ~ Ram Dass

“Hey, why aren’t you all the way healed yet? Aren’t you trying? What? You’re not done? Well, when will you be done? You don’t know? Why not? How long will this take? I need to get on with things, and this is really holding me back.”

Sound familiar? This inner critic, this part of our minds that keeps us from being happy needs to be smacked down sometimes. Well, not sometimes, pretty often actually. Okay daily, maybe hourly. Because it stands between us and happiness. It stands between us and peace of mind. It stands between us and God.

So today, I invite you to take a rest from your inner critic and honor the hard healing work you have done! Seriously, give yourself the gift of acknowledging how far you have come in healing from trauma. We hardly ever do this, do we? We work so hard, we pray, we heal, we take our baby steps, sometimes we have a huge breakthrough, and we just… keep going. Pause and look back at what you have done to get to this place in your healing.

Just as no one can walk this path for you, no one can acknowledge the work you’ve done either. Only you know the breathing, the reading, the therapy, the nights of constant praying, of turning it over to God again and again and again. Only you know – and God. I think the Divine is always looking for opportunities for us to heal more and to acknowledge us when we do. I can look back on my life and so clearly see times when the opportunities to heal would lessen so I could catch my breath and just live. Similarly, I clearly see the times when the opportunities intensified because I had to heal something deeper to move forward. God knows our needs, and I feel God celebrates our progress, not only for our own healing, but the healing of the world.

“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.” ~ Maya Angelou

It takes really hard work to become a butterfly, and what do we do when we see one? We often stop, reverently, to admire it. It’s one of the few absolute transformations in nature we have probably seen in person. So we know that dark period in the cocoon can be long, but that so much is happening inside that we can’t see! Miracles are happening. So we stop and witness to it.

Do that for yourself. You are nothing less than a butterfly, and even if you’re still in your cocoon, not ready to come out – witness and have reverence for how far you’ve come. No one will do it for you, and it’s so crucial we do this for ourselves!

“We acknowledge our pain, not to get more depressed or to drown in the suffering, but to see the truth of our experience.” ~ Sharon Salzberg

What is the truth of our experience? Take stock today of your progress. Have you slept through the night? Decreased flashbacks? Have you asked for help in a healthy way? Have you surrounded yourself with supportive friends? Can you close your eyes and meditate? Can you stay alone? Do you feel closer to God? These are all wins and we deserve to pat ourselves on the back.

Our mind, body and spirit is running a marathon of healing. It’s a long race, so we must pace ourselves and recognize our immense progress along the way! There will always be more to do, more to heal, but just for today, acknowledge your own dedication and progress in healing. Rest in God’s arms, and join Him in being proud of you. Can I get an amen?

“Lovng ourselves through the process of owning our own story is the bravest thing we’ll ever do.” ~ Brene Brown

You are Still Beloved.

Victoria McGee

March 5, 2018