Victoria McGee, M.A.

Restoring Faith in Our Fellow Humans

June 25, 2016June 25, 2016 by Victoria McGee, posted in Buddha, childhood abuse, domestic violence, Dr. Wayne Dyer, faith, grief, healing, Jesus, PTSD, Ram Dass, rape, spirituality, trauma, Uncategorized

Healing does not mean going back to the way things were before, but rather allowing what is now to move us closer to God. ~ Ram Dass

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When we see horrific events in the world, we know there are personal traumas taking place around those events. The news only gives us facts, but for those of us who have survived trauma, we know the story doesn’t end when the news is over.

We know those who survive will suffer post-traumatic symptoms to some extent. We know they will need to seek healing. We know the road is long and for every two steps forward, there are often several back. We pray they will heal.

Within this healing is the need to restore faith in our fellow man. It is profoundly sad when we fully realize that there are people in the world who would do us harm (or harm those we love). This realization shakes us to our core. It makes us fearful and unable to trust. This fracture in all we have previously trusted needs to be consciously mourned.

Those of us who have suffered trauma, been a victim, or witnessed atrocity, need to mindfully mourn the loss of faith in our fellow man, even as we work to restore it.

Often, this grief is the cause of the depression we suffer with afterward. Sometimes we are so focused on our specific trauma we forget that we have witnessed a breach against humanity on an acute level. Take time to mourn this loss of faith.

Of course, we can’t let this loss of faith in our fellow man immobilize us. There is evil in the world. There are always those humans who inflict pain and suffering on others. They are usually those who have had great pain and suffering inflicted on themselves. This does not excuse their actions, it merely explains it. So how do we move past this loss of faith and find a new foundation to build upon?

You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is like an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty. ~ Mahatma Gandhi

The journey in restoring our faith in humanity is as unique to us as our trauma. However, these steps can universally heal us and guide us on the road.

Mourn the loss of faith in your fellow man – We must feel the depth of this transgression and what it means to us. Were we hurt by a friend, a parent, a stranger? We need to acknowledge the effect this loss of faith has had on our relationships before we can move to healing.

Ask the Divine for opportunities to restore your faith – If we but ask, God will send us the people and situations we need to restore our faith and reframe our thought patterns. I was so mistrusting following my attack, but God kept sending me angels to help me heal. A few times the angels were in a similar form to my attacker, which I really didn’t appreciate.(!) But it gave me the opportunity to come face to face with a certain physicality and move past the past. Continue to look for the good in people.

Be of service – Service is our quickest path to healing. Getting out of ourselves and helping others can restore faith like no amount of praying! As we see others benefit from our help, we begin to see the glimmer of hope and the flicker of faith.

So let us recognize that our faith in humanity has been profoundly shaken, but let us mourn it so we can move beyond the grief. The world needs our light and our faith.

We are all broken. That’s how the light gets in. – Ernest Hemingway

You are Still Beloved.

Victoria McGee

06/25/2016

LOVING ACCEPTANCE

May 15, 2016 by Victoria McGee, posted in A Course in Miracles, Buddha, childhood abuse, Dr. Wayne Dyer, faith, grief, healing, Jesus, military rape, Mindfulness, PTSD, rape, recovery, self-improvement, spirituality, Uncategorized

“To feel the Love of God within you is to see the world anew, shining in innocence, alive with hope, and blessed with perfect charity and love.” – A Course in Miracles, lesson 189

I am still beloved. I believe this down to my core. No matter what I may have done or been or survived, the love of God for me is constant. I know God has been there through every trauma, and will be there always. This kind of faith doesn’t come easily, and perhaps you are not there yet. But know that it is true. God sees you perfectly, and God see you perfect.

I can accept this. I can accept that God sees me this way. God is, after all, God. The Divine is Love that is all encompassing and beyond our understanding.

My difficulty is seeing myself the way God sees me.

Does this resonate with you as well? You have a spiritual practice, you’ve survived trauma, you pray and meditate and turn everything over to the Divine – but still, still you judge yourself, withholding from yourself the very thing you need: love and acceptance.

I do it all the time. I’m still learning and trying and growing and becoming. But I know that this step is critical for healing.

When we withhold loving acceptance from ourselves, we set ourselves up for continuous disappointment. We set ourselves up for depression, anxiety and addiction. Seeing ourselves as God sees us leads us out of this cycle.

How do you start? I had to start with others. For a long time, I wasn’t at ease within myself, both because of the trauma I had been through, but also because I regularly withheld love from myself. With a strong desire to heal and change this, I started by trying to see others as God sees them.

This requires such vigilance on our thoughts! We are conditioned from a very young age to make judgments about the people around us based on their appearance, their words and their actions. When we consciously practice looking on others with love, we start to see their innocence. We begin to glimpse what God sees. We grow in compassion and understanding for others.

“You are a creature of Divine Love connected at all times to Source. Divine Love is when you see God in everyone and everything you encounter.” – Dr. Wayne Dyer

Non-judgment is a muscle that needs constant exercise. Left idle, it will grow fat cells and spread. Like exercise, it probably doesn’t come naturally to us, so we have to be vigilant and dedicated. And like exercise, it is worth it, for it can be your path to self-acceptance.

Through continuous practice of non-judgment of others, I found it easier to forgive and love myself. I began to see myself as God sees me more frequently. This is a tool for healing that grows stronger the more I practice it. The less I judge others, the less I judge myself.

For some, the path to self-acceptance may start within you and then extend to others. This is also a valid path. And who’s to say you can’t walk both paths at once? There are many paths to seeing yourself as the love of God. The path doesn’t matter, what matters is the dedication to the path and to healing.

Give love to yourself today. Give yourself the gift of seeing through God’s holy eyes. See those around you with those eyes. Look within and truly see your glorious light of Love.

“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” – Buddha

You are Still Beloved.

Victoria McGee

05/15/2016

THE RE-FRAMING OF TRAUMA

April 17, 2016October 30, 2019 by Victoria McGee, posted in Uncategorized

“What is joy without sorrow? What is success without failure? What is a win without a loss? What is health without illness? You have to experience each if you are to appreciate the other. There is always going to be suffering. It’s how you look at your suffering, how you deal with it, that will define you.”

~ Mark Twain

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These clear and simple words from Mark Twain highlight some of our most profound spiritual beliefs. There is a cosmic balance to the universe that we mortal souls can’t really comprehend. We get flashes of it sometimes, but I imagine our ability to understand it could fit on the head of a pin.

I was recently reflecting on this yin yang idea, and trying to understand it in terms of trauma. There are always two or more ways of looking at and understanding everything that happens. In therapy, we like to call this re-framing. Re-framing is a wonderful tool for taking something negative that has happened to us and finding new ways to think and feel about it that are more positive and healing.

When I first went to sexual assault counseling, I was strongly told not to think of myself as a victim, but as a survivor. This advice was both good and bad. It was good in that thinking of myself as a survivor helped me feel stronger at a time when it was tempting to feel weak and vulnerable. It was bad in that it delayed my rage at having been victimized. I found that, for me, appropriate anger was a necessary step in healing. Months of stifling that rage, of not declaring myself a victim, was not healthy. In dealing with our trauma, we must recognize both truths. Yes, you were a victim. Yes, you are a survivor.

The difference is in the tense. You were a victim in the past. You are a survivor in the present.

So in finding some balance, and re-framing these thoughts, I was recently led to a new book called Whatever Arises, Love That by Matt Khan. It’s a great title and the ideas in the book are practical and loving. It appeals to those of us healing trauma because we so often have thoughts, flashbacks, and other triggers that rear up when we least expect it. The idea of loving those seemingly unwanted thoughts disarms the charge they can have. When I have a flashback, I send love to that young woman that I was and feel love for the life I have now. Through that, I give love to the flashback. I know without that experience I would not have fully appreciated so many good things in my life that came after. The more I do it, love what arises, the more objective I become about the trauma, and the less power it has over me.

“In order for the light to shine so brightly, the darkness must be present.” ~ Francis Bacon

If we are on a path of healing, we try to recognize that we must have darkness to appreciate the light, and we must have sorrow to fully know joy. Those dichotomies are part of the balance of our lives. But survivors of trauma are left with a profound question. If we must feel sad to recognize happiness, then why did we have to be a victim of trauma? What is the opposite? Is there an opposite? How do we find the balance for being victimized? We don’t need to be traumatized to appreciate safety.

When I meditated on this, I received a way to re-frame this idea. Rather than thinking “I was a victim of trauma,” my new thought is “I was shown trauma so I could understand it.”

This isn’t exactly a yin yang concept, but it makes sense within me, and makes sense in my life. The answer you receive will make sense for you. Meditate on this idea. Ask for a balancing thought. Your angels are patiently waiting for you to open your mind and heart.

“Your hand opens and closes, opens and closes. If it were always a fist or

always stretched open, you would be paralyzed. Your deepest presence is in

every small contracting and expanding, the two as beautifully balanced and

coordinated as birds’ wings.” ~ Rumi

You are Still Beloved.

Victoria McGee

4/17/2015

LETTING GO OF SUFFERING

April 3, 2016April 3, 2016 by Victoria McGee, posted in Buddha, childhood abuse, domestic violence, faith, healing, military rape, PTSD, Ram Dass, rape, recovery, self-improvement, spirituality, Thich Nhat Hanh, trauma, Uncategorized

“People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown they prefer suffering that is familiar.” Thich Nhat Hanh

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I once had a therapist explain to me why I was drawn to a certain individual. A person with whom my interactions were not healthy, reminding me of the power struggles between my mother and me. She simply said, “You’re drawn because it feels familiar. It doesn’t feel good, but it feels familiar.” It was so profound! It didn’t feel good, but I knew how to play that game, how to navigate that river, and how to survive it.

So it can be with our trauma related feelings. We sometimes cling to them unknowingly, not because they feel good, but because they feel familiar. We know how to feel those feelings; we don’t know what lies ahead.

Are we getting something out of holding on to these feelings, and if so, what? Is there a payoff here we’re not seeing? The answer to that is as individual as all the beings on the planet! The real question to ask is “What am I getting out of holding onto this suffering?”

To answer this for yourself, look at the flip side of some of the symptoms of PTSD. Do I use my suffering to isolate from others? Do I use my suffering to avoid crowds or family events? Do I use my suffering to avoid relationships?

All of these questions have to do with avoidance. I completely get it. And I venture to say that for many people, myself included, avoidance is part of the initial healing. In my struggle, I had to find a balance. I didn’t feel safe going out, but I also had to re-learn that I could be safe at home. There was some avoidance, but also some pushing through to get to the new normal.

However, when this behavior and these beliefs linger for too long, it is time to take a hard look at what you’re getting out of this suffering. I wish I could tell you how long is too long, but it is, again, extremely individualized. My advice is to ask a trusted friend or therapist. They will tell you.

“If you are suffering in your life right now, I guarantee that this condition is tied up with some kind of attachment to how you think things should be.” ~ Dr. Wayne Dyer

The toughest question keeps many trauma survivors stuck: Do I use my suffering to gain sympathy and pity from others?

This one is tricky, because it’s most tempting to the ego. If you have been attacked, abused, raped, in a war, devastated by an accident or an act of nature, you deserve sympathy. You have survived something most people never have to experience. You’ve been through trauma; you are changed. It’s appropriate for people to extend sympathy to you, and for you to receive it. Just be very aware of your response to sympathy. If you notice the compassionate coaxing or outright pity of your friends or family makes you feel loved, you’re on a slippery slope. The ego eats this up, turning your efforts to gaining sympathy, which will keep you from healing. If you find yourself drawn to this form of suffering, actively find ways to serve others. It will take you out of wanting sympathy for yourself, and give your spirit new purpose.

There were many times in my initial years of healing that I used my suffering as an excuse, a reason to isolate, and a point of sympathy. But each time, it held less power and attraction. It began to feel more and more false as I grew in my healing, until it dropped away entirely. Using the trauma to deepen my suffering was more costly than moving on from it, doing the work, and finding happiness.

Besides, the real work is not surviving the trauma, it’s healing the trauma.

“The wound is the place where the light enters you.” ~ Rumi

You are Still Beloved

Victoria McGee

April 3, 2016

Sanctuary as a State of Mind

March 13, 2016March 13, 2016 by Victoria McGee, posted in Uncategorized

“Remember…the entrance to the sanctuary is inside you.” ~ Rumi

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I remember feeling, for a long time in my life, that no place was safe. I did not feel safe at work, out in public, and sadly, not at home. We’ve often heard that our home is our sanctuary. It is our place of refuge, respite and renewal. For survivors of trauma, our sense of sanctuary disappears.

Sanctuary comes from the Latin word sanctus, meaning “holy.” Interestingly, when you follow the word “holy” back to its old English roots, it means to be whole. Its cousin is the word “hale” meaning to be in good health, happiness, and wholeness.

No wonder we cannot find sanctuary when we have been traumatized. We feel the opposite of holy. We feel fragmented, damaged, and overly vigilant at all times. How can we ever find our way to safety?

“Within you is a stillness and a sanctuary to which you can retreat at any time.” ~Hermann Hesse

Your soul and mine are constantly being drawn toward sanctuary. Not a building, or even a gathering, but that place within us where we are absolutely safe and at peace. The place where we are one with God and doubt gives way to grace. It is a place of light within us that is always available, however diminished we may think it has grown.

You know it is there. In the midst of all the scattered thoughts, the shoulds, and the dark spiral of our splintered soul, we know the light is still in there. Why else would we have the courage to get up and try again each day until we are healed? The light is God in us, and it waits patiently for our awareness.

How do we get to it? How do we find that sanctuary within?

“Be still, and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10

Be still. Close your eyes. Turn inward. See the light in your mind’s eye and watch what happens. Breathe. This is your sanctuary. It is God in you. Each time you go there it will be easier, and you‘ll be able to stay longer. Relax in God. Relax in the safety and sanctuary that is God.

Your sanctuary is as accessible to you as your next thought.

As you attend to this sanctuary more and more often, you will become more “holy.” More whole, and happy, and healthy. It is inevitable. What you focus on grows.

After searching for sanctuary outside of myself for a long time, I began to acknowledge this idea that my safety was inside me. As I focused on that idea, I began to slowly grow more comfortable back in my own skin. With PTSD, the desire to not be in your own body is strong. Sitting with yourself, even closing your eyes, feels risky and unsafe. You have to fight through that resistance and do it. It may only be 10 seconds at first, but it will grow. And it will heal you.

“Nothing outside yourself can save you. Nothing outside yourself can give you peace.” ~ A Course in Miracles

You are your own safe place. You are the sanctuary.

You are Still Beloved.

Victoria McGee

3/13/2016

In Stillness I Hear God

February 22, 2016 by Victoria McGee, posted in Uncategorized

This is a wonderful piece, reminding us that stillness is required for right action to occur!

MIRACLES EACH DAY

“When action is seen to be necessary, this is exactly when a time of stillness is needed. You might think of this time of stillness as a time of consulting with your new identity. Simply sitting quietly, and posing the question or concern that is in need of appropriate action will suffice. When an answer comes to you, acknowledge that it is an answer from your new identity and express appreciation for it. While you will at times doubt that you have received an answer or that the answer you have received is correct, you will soon learn to trust this quiet process of discernment. You will know you have succeeded when you truly feel as if you have “turned the question or concern over” and allowed it to be responded to in a new way.” (ACOL, C:25.23)

Today’s quotation is a very precise and meaningful guide to guidance from…

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A New PTSD

February 10, 2016 by Victoria McGee, posted in A Course in Miracles, childhood abuse, domestic violence, faith, grief, healing, Jesus, military rape, PTSD, rape, recovery, spirituality, trauma

“To feel the Love of God within you is to see the world anew, shining in innocence, alive with hope, and blessed with perfect charity and love.” – ACIM, Lesson 189

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See the world anew. What a concept. What a challenge. What a daunting task some days. We often go through so many days in a row that all feel the same, a little numb, a little tired of the day-to-day business. With PTSD, we are tired of summoning courage each day, tired of fighting down the fear each day, and tired of swallowing down the rage.

I don’t know about you, but I can’t live like that. I can’t. I made it my daily task to find something, anything, each day that gives me hope. There is no surviving PTSD without it. And here’s the tricky part: it is as easy as shifting your focus, and it is as difficult as shifting your focus. Ha.

Because some days shifting our focus is easy, right? We have that attitude as we set out on the day, and the universe rewards us with baby birds, friendly cashiers, compliments from strangers, hugs from kids. And we sigh and say, “I DO have hope. Life is good. Things are getting better!”

Then there are the days when, try as we might, our focus won’t budge off the damn trauma. We could encounter the same rewards as before, but they would seem trite, ordinary, meh. Right?

Don’t despair on those days. Our healing minds and spirits are like muscles. I learned this trying a new exercise where I got into position, then the instructor said, “Now, lift your leg.” My leg wouldn’t budge. She immediately, wisely said, “If your leg won’t lift, imagine it lifting, and do the count.” I did. I did this for two more classes. On the third class, my leg lifted.

So on those days when we are trying to shift our focus and it doesn’t feel like it’s working, we are still actively engaging that part of our minds and spirits that so deeply desire to heal.

In the spirit of seeing the world anew, I recently decided I needed a new meaning for the acronym PTSD. Not to dismiss or belittle my trauma, but to transmute it, as is always my goal.

So here it is:

Pray

Transform

Surrender

Deepen

These are the steps I take, almost daily, to heal.

Pray – Prayer is action. Prayer is never static. It is a dynamic way to engage your spirit with the Divine (from whom you are not separated anyway!) When I feel helpless, prayer is my catalyst to act.

Transform – If you’re stuck in an emotion, identify it so you can transform it. If you’re anxious, it is fear. If you’re depressed, it could be unexpressed anger, which stems from fear. A Course in Miracles, and many spiritual paths, state there are really only two emotions: fear and love. To transform fear in any form, you must love. Love yourself, those around you, pets, God, find someplace to send love. Love will return to you a thousand-fold.

Surrender – Surrender to God. Surrender to your feelings. And it’s okay to surrender to your trauma in order to heal it. You can accept it by surrendering to it. It happened. Now surrender to the Divine for your healing.

Deepen – Truly healing from trauma means to confront ourselves and our fellow man on a truly profound level. If you just try to get on with your life, without a thoughtful examination of your life and your psyche, your trauma will revisit you. This healing must be deep. Take a full breath and dive in. Reflect on each day and deepen your awareness of your healing.

That is my new PTSD. It feels active and loving. I hope you find some healing there too.

You are Still Beloved.

Victoria McGee

2/10/2016

Mental Health ~ Coping Skills

February 9, 2016 by Victoria McGee, posted in Uncategorized

Mental Health ~ Coping Skills

February 9, 2016 by Victoria McGee, posted in Uncategorized

Source: Mental Health ~ Coping Skills

Who Will Save Me?

January 24, 2016 by Victoria McGee, posted in A Course in Miracles, Buddha, domestic violence, grief, healing, military rape, PTSD, rape, recovery, spirituality, trauma

“Nothing outside of yourself can save you; nothing outside yourself can give you peace.” ~ ACIM Workbook 118

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Truly the Divine is not a place, not inside you or outside you, but everywhere. The Course in Miracles is saying don’t look to things outside yourself for the healing and peace of mind you need. Spiritual teachings assure us that we already have everything we need to heal ourselves.

Our problem is we have all this other stuff.

We humans are so good at distracting ourselves, especially in this day and age. We are surrounded by distractions from phones, TV, the Internet, a million available apps, people, work, etc. It’s a bottomless pit. Never before in history has it been so easy to distract ourselves.

What is the danger of this distraction for those of us with PTSD? Sometimes it feels so good to just numb out and put mindless stuff into our mind, instead of the haunting thoughts. Our minds, left unattended, often drift to unwanted memories. I admit, I still do this sometimes. Sometimes I just don’t want to “think” any more! Sometimes numbing out is the right prescription for the moment. As long as it doesn’t become a crutch, or a frequent tool for avoidance. Balance is always key.

Keep this in mind always, “Nothing outside of yourself can save you; nothing outside of yourself can give you peace.”

When we constantly look outside ourselves for our healing, for our relief, we are actually impeding healing.

Of course, I’m not talking about therapy because good and valuable therapy should lead you to healing yourself anyway. I’m talking about the dangers of putting the burden of your healing on other people, or things or events.

“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.” -~ Buddha

When you place the burden of your healing on your love relationship, a friend, or a family member, it only delays your healing. It’s as if you’re climbing a mountain and you give your pack to your companion, who is carrying his or her own as well. Eventually, they give out under the weight and you end up with your own pack again. But your path is slower because your companion is weakened, and probably resentful, that you gave them such a burden. These people who love you will help you on your path, and catch you when you stumble, but placing your burden on them will only weaken the relationship.

When you place the burden of your healing on things, you are activating a dangerous portion of your brain. There is a place in our minds that believes we can make ourselves feel better if we only buy this thing, look at that thing, go to this event, drink this, eat that, get high, stay busy!!!! It’s part of the instant gratification neurology of the brain. It’s understandable. It’s a PTSD warrior saying “I want to feel better now!”

Scientists used to think people who could delay gratification were simply more patient people. However, here’s some interesting information about that from a recent article in Scientific American, by Melanie Bauer.

“A recent study by a team of researchers at Washington University in St. Louis found that when people waited for a reward, patient people were seen—through the lens of a functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) machine—imagining the future.”

Is it possible that people who have been through trauma, or suffer from PTSD, have trouble imagining the future? This rang true for me. There is a part of you with new wisdom that realizes life as you know it can change in an instant. So live for the moment.

But we know how shallow that instant gratification is, right? Or we wouldn’t have to keep doing it. We keep trying to fill the same hole. Placing the burden of your healing on things, is like playing Jenga. That tower will come down, and you will ultimately be left with yourself again.

So, who will save you? You. God cannot save you until you invite God in. Once God is in you, then God is you, and you are God. Feel that. How joyful to know it is available in any instant of your life.

Trust me on this. When you are silent, and not distracted, and close your eyes, and sincerely invite God into your heart and mind, the tools for your healing will present themselves. It is as inevitable as the tide. Nothing, nothing outside yourself can give you peace.

“Be silent. Only the hand of God can remove the burdens of your heart.” ~ Rumi

You are Still Beloved.

Victoria McGee

1/24/16